Before I jump into my analysis, you might find this interesting: Buzz Bissinger allegedly had sex with a horse. Have you seen this? Have you heard about this?
- Miami Dolphins: 5 wins (in 2008): I'll make this one short and sweet. Henne, if he doesn't beat out John Beck in the pre-season battle, will be starting before November. Reaching back into my bag of tricks, I've been saying that Chad Henne will be a better pro than Matt Ryan. The Dolphins got their franchise QB while picking up Jake Long with the first pick and Philip Merling in the second round. Before his sports hernia, Merling was predicted to be the first DE drafted and he will help the Dolphins defensive line and can develop to take Jason Taylor's jobs when he retires (or is traded). Jake Long will be a good, but not great tackle. Kendall Langford, the DE out of Hampton, has great size at over 6'5'' 287 and although scouts have said that he lacks speed, he doesn't need to be that fast to play DE in a 3-4. They could have, and should have, taken a LB in the draft. Yes, I feel like I have predictive power today.
- Minnesota Viqueens: 74 million reasons to hope that the Jared Allen experiment works (out of one hundred million dollars): Well, they needed a safety because Dwight Smith couldn't stay away from the hippie lettuce and navigated 10,000 lakes eventually making his way out of Minnesota, sailing into the sunset in the Love Boat. out of the . Darren Sharper is a dinosaur. Tyrell Johnson will be useful. John David Booty will not. I never thought Matt Leinart was any good. I think JDB is worse. Guion could be underrated, but he won't play much anyway because Fat Pat Williams signed a three year extension last year. They had two other picks which are more or less insignificant.
- New England Patriots: 4.5 illegally filmed practices (out of 10): Bitch Tit Bill couldn't play fair, so Roger Goodell took away their first round draft pick (#31). What's that? Oh he didn't take away the one they got from the 49ers? And Goodell let the Patriots off easy? Ahhhh, now I understand. They traded their #7 pick to the Saints and moved back to #10. Good trade I suppose. The Pats picked up a great college linebacker in Jerod Mayo. He can play a little bit. CBs Terrence Wheatley and Jonathan Wilhite fills a need, so does OLB Shawn Crable (with Rosevelt Colvin gone). Bo Ruud, Barrett Ruud's brother, should get some good time on special teams. Kevin O'Connell? Congratulations, Tom Brady has become the best dump down passer in the history of the game and is able to throw deep because he has the best WR ever (physically). O'Connell won't be anything more than a backup...that is unless it's snowing during a playoff game, Tom gets hurt, Kevin comes in, the tuck rule pretty much giftwraps a victory for him, and then he makes a living throwing bench routes for the next decade. I'm not impressed by this draft, but the Patriots probably had film on these guys that no one else did. Matt Walsh FTW!
- New Orleans Saints: Anyway, like I was sayin', shrimp is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, sautee it. Dey's uh, shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich, and shrimp running backs named Reggie Bush. That- that's about it.: Sedrick Ellis is a great pick. He is a little bit smaller than Glenn Dorsey (an inch shorter and 9 pounds lighter) but has a muuuuuch more explosive. Dorsey is a big dude and is a force, but Ellis is a freak of nature. Tracy Porter, the Indiana CB, is also a solid selection. What baffles me is how Jason David started at RCB the entire year. If David was lined up opposite John Foppe, I guarantee you that Foppe would be celebrating in the end zone with JD in his wake. They signed Aaron Glenn in the offseason, but he is a 14 year veteran and isn't more than a stop gap until Porter gets up to speed. DeMario Pressley had about as much hype as Mario Williams did going into his senior season because of his size and speed. However, Pressley has had some durability issues so it'll be interesting how he handles the NFL game. Carl Nicks has a mean streak and with some coaching could be an option at RT in the future. Wisconsin kicker Taylor Mehlhaff was a need pick only because Olindo Mare still isn't quite sure how to kick a football. Adrian Arrington didn't have a spectacular career at Michigan and scouts keep talking about how he lacks explosiveness and burst - which means he won't be able to separate from NFL corners. But he was taken with the 30th pick in the 7th round, so if he never catches a pass in a game, no big deal.