NFL Draft Analysis! Part 5

Well after the first quarter, the 76ers were on pace to score 48 points. With 1:20 left in the 2nd quarter, they now have 30 points. NOW ON PACE FOR 60 POINTS!!!!!!!11 Samuel Dalembert's haircut is ridiculous. There aren't any pics online yet, but I'll try to post one later on. It reminds me of the late, great Darrent Williams' mohawk/cornrow combo, also known as the frohawk. Darrent's was still better.


Before I jump into my analysis, you might find this interesting: Buzz Bissinger allegedly had sex with a horse. Have you seen this? Have you heard about this?

• Miami Dolphins: 5 wins (in 2008): I'll make this one short and sweet. Henne, if he doesn't beat out John Beck in the pre-season battle, will be starting before November. Reaching back into my bag of tricks, I've been saying that Chad Henne will be a better pro than Matt Ryan. The Dolphins got their franchise QB while picking up Jake Long with the first pick and Philip Merling in the second round. Before his sports hernia, Merling was predicted to be the first DE drafted and he will help the Dolphins defensive line and can develop to take Jason Taylor's jobs when he retires (or is traded). Jake Long will be a good, but not great tackle. Kendall Langford, the DE out of Hampton, has great size at over 6'5'' 287 and although scouts have said that he lacks speed, he doesn't need to be that fast to play DE in a 3-4. They could have, and should have, taken a LB in the draft. Yes, I feel like I have predictive power today.
  
• Minnesota Viqueens: 74 million reasons to hope that the Jared Allen experiment works (out of one hundred million dollars): Well, they needed a safety because Dwight Smith couldn't stay away from the hippie lettuce and navigated 10,000 lakes eventually making his way out of Minnesota, sailing into the sunset in the Love Boat. out of the . Darren Sharper is a dinosaur. Tyrell Johnson will be useful. John David Booty will not. I never thought Matt Leinart was any good. I think JDB is worse. Guion could be underrated, but he won't play much anyway because Fat Pat Williams signed a three year extension last year. They had two other picks which are more or less insignificant.
  
• New England Patriots: 4.5 illegally filmed practices (out of 10): Bitch Tit Bill couldn't play fair, so Roger Goodell took away their first round draft pick (#31). What's that? Oh he didn't take away the one they got from the 49ers? And Goodell let the Patriots off easy? Ahhhh, now I understand. They traded their #7 pick to the Saints and moved back to #10. Good trade I suppose. The Pats picked up a great college linebacker in Jerod Mayo. He can play a little bit. CBs Terrence Wheatley and Jonathan Wilhite fills a need, so does OLB Shawn Crable (with Rosevelt Colvin gone). Bo Ruud, Barrett Ruud's brother, should get some good time on special teams. Kevin O'Connell? Congratulations, Tom Brady has become the best dump down passer in the history of the game and is able to throw deep because he has the best WR ever (physically). O'Connell won't be anything more than a backup...that is unless it's snowing during a playoff game, Tom gets hurt, Kevin comes in, the tuck rule pretty much giftwraps a victory for him, and then he makes a living throwing bench routes for the next decade. I'm not impressed by this draft, but the Patriots probably had film on these guys that no one else did. Matt Walsh FTW!
  
• New Orleans Saints: Anyway, like I was sayin', shrimp is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, sautee it. Dey's uh, shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich, and shrimp running backs named Reggie Bush. That- that's about it.: Sedrick Ellis is a great pick. He is a little bit smaller than Glenn Dorsey (an inch shorter and 9 pounds lighter) but has a muuuuuch more explosive. Dorsey is a big dude and is a force, but Ellis is a freak of nature. Tracy Porter, the Indiana CB, is also a solid selection. What baffles me is how Jason David started at RCB the entire year. If David was lined up opposite John Foppe, I guarantee you that Foppe would be celebrating in the end zone with JD in his wake. They signed Aaron Glenn in the offseason, but he is a 14 year veteran and isn't more than a stop gap until Porter gets up to speed. DeMario Pressley had about as much hype as Mario Williams did going into his senior season because of his size and speed. However, Pressley has had some durability issues so it'll be interesting how he handles the NFL game. Carl Nicks has a mean streak and with some coaching could be an option at RT in the future. Wisconsin kicker Taylor Mehlhaff was a need pick only because Olindo Mare still isn't quite sure how to kick a football. Adrian Arrington didn't have a spectacular career at Michigan and scouts keep talking about how he lacks explosiveness and burst - which means he won't be able to separate from NFL corners. But he was taken with the 30th pick in the 7th round, so if he never catches a pass in a game, no big deal.
  

Facts don't inhibit me! I am proud that my "nebulous" voice is able to perpetuate the future.

NFL Draft Analysis! Part 4

I think that outside of the ESPN studio, Todd McShay and Mel Kiper actually do like each other. I think its all a show that ESPN has put on to raise viewership. It definitely works too, because people are always talking about it (need proof, look at NFL Draft Analysis! Part Two). However, I do think that the two of them know what they are talking about. Both Kiper and McShay have done an admirable job projecting this years draft, and now it seems that McShay has gotten bored and has now posted a mock draft for 2009 at ESPN, you can check it out here: http://insider.espn.go.com/nfl/draft08/insider/columns/story?columnist=mcshay_todd&id=3372132

However that is not what I'm here to do, I'm here to talk about this years draft. To talk about the ridiculous 34 trades that happened this weekend, or the even more ridiculous fact that 8, count 'em 8, offensive lineman were taken in the first round. Over 25% of the first round were offensive lineman, and you don't think people watched the Giants defensive line dominate the Patriots offensive line?
But for now I am going to look at the next four teams 2008 NFL Drafts.

• Houston Texans: 7 Reggie Bush's (out of 10): The biggest knock on the Texans draft is that they didn't take Reggie Bush, oh wait that was two years ago. It's news again though because the Texans offensive coordinator recently made a swipe at Reggie Bush, calling him nothing more than a third down back (and to date that's being generous), while talking about why the team picked a similar style player Steve Slaton in the third round (http://sports.aol.com/fanhouse/2008/04/28/houston-texans-coach-loves-steve-slaton-calls-reggie-bush-thir/) I love it. But back to their draft. The actual biggest problem with the Texans draft, according to most experts, is that they used their #1 pick on Duane Brown an offensive tackle form Virginia Tech (another one?). Brown is said to be an elite athlete, but he is raw and extremely unpolished. I know the Redskins were looking at him as their second round pick, either at #48 or #51. Brown went at #26. The Texans were able to trade back with the Ravens and acquire another third round pick, which was then used to take Steve Slaton. They did pick up a potential starting corner back in the third round, as they didn't have a second round pick, by taking Antwaun Molden from Eastern Kentucky. Molden was from a small school which hurt him, but he showed great ability at the combine running the 40 in 4.389 and has decent height at 6'0. With Dunta Robinson expected to miss some time next season with a knee injury, this pick was a necessity and it seems that the Texans made a decent choice. They also drafted the younger brother of Marion Barber III, in safety Dominique Barber from Minnesota in the 6th round. If he plays like his brother he will be a force on special teams.
• Indianapolis Colts: 8 future Super Bowl Trophies (out of 10): The Colts did not have a first round draft pick after trading it to the 49ers last year when they traded up to get OT Tony Ugoh. They did however have nine other draft picks. With these nine picks the Colts took three offensive lineman, two linebackers, two tight ends, a running back and a wide receiver. Mel Kiper says that the Colts took three of his top five rated centers in this draft, and that their second round choice, Mike Pollack out of Arizona State has the potential to move and become a decent starting NFL guard. The Colts also took a stud inside linebacker, in my opinion, in Philip Wheeler from Georgia Tech. He doesn't have the physical tools that some of the great players have but he does have heart and he is always all over the field. Their fifth round pick was also another player who didn't measure that well, but that was a solid football player. Mike Hart from Michigan ran a slow 40 time, somewhere in the 4.7 range. He dropped dramatically because of this, but he's a second round talent. All Hart did was start for one of the most prestigious college football teams in the nation since he was a freshman. He was their leader and their best player and that has to mean something. Remember the Colts seem to have a thing for identifying running back talent, see Edgerrin James and Joseph Addai.
• Jacksonville Jaguars: 6 stupid trades (out of 10): Guys like Mel Kiper don't understand why the Jaguars didn't trade their first round pick for Jason Taylor of the Miami Dolphins, when instead they traded three other picks to move up to #8 and take Derrick Harvey. I disagree with him and think that trading away a first round pick for a player who is 33 and on the decline is retarded and a waste of a pick. Now, I'm not saying that trading up for Harvey wasn't a mistake either. Harvey is a decent defensive lineman from Florida, but did not deserve to go in the top 10. He was a reach there and that could come back to haunt the Jags. He does have the potential to be a decent player and could end up being a starter, but at #8 it was a little high. Then the Jags traded up once again, giving up more draft picks to get defensive end Quentin Groves from Auburn. Again he is another player with a lot of potential but a player whose production dropped his senior year and whose heart has been questioned. These two players however, are expected to become the cornerstone of the Jags line, and if it works out they will have pretty solid set of ends. Moving on from here the rest of the Jags draft is pretty weak as they traded away most of their picks. They were able, however, to take corner back Trae Williams from South Florida who could start along side stud Rashean Mathis. The kid is a little small but he seems to play bigger than his size and with the right coaching and mentor (Mathis is a pro bowler) he could become a decent player in the NFL. There grade is low due to their lack of draft picks.
• Kansas City Chiefs: Wine 'em Dine 'em 69 'em (out of 10): That is the name of former Chiefs defensive lineman Jared Allen's restaurant, and thats fucking hilarious. Jared Allen did a lot of great things for the Chiefs during his tenure there but the best thing he did was get traded to the Vikings. The Vikings got straight ROBBED and it really helped out the rebuilding Chiefs. For Allen the Chiefs received the Vikings first round draft pick, both of the Vikings third round picks and the teams swapped six round picks as well. Once again, that is highway robbery. Allen is good, but thats a ton to give up. However, the Chiefs receive such a high grade for doing such a great job drafting. They took arguably the best player on the entire board in defensive tackle Glenn Dorsey from LSU. Dorsey fills a MAJOR hole for the Chiefs in the interior and should become a force for them. He could make up for the loss of Allen in the long run if he develops properly. Then the Chiefs were able to use the Vikings first round pick, #17 and some other picks to trade up with the Lions to take guard Brandon Albert from Virginia. Albert has had his cock sucked by scouts since the season ended and saw his stock rise dramatically, he has potential but I'm just not as high on him as they are. Albert, who projects to play tackle in the NFL, is stated to be one of the better lineman in the draft and he has great athletic ability, but he is going to be asked to move outside and that could be tougher than people think. Him and Dorsey should help solidify the trenches for the Chiefs and together, make this a pretty solid draft. The Chiefs weren't done there. In the second round the Chiefs were able to get corner back Brandon Flowers from Virginia Tech, a player who had first round talent but slipped a little near the end of the pre-draft process. With Ty Law no longer with the team, corner back was a big area of concern and Flowers should be able to start come the middle of the season. Another pretty nasty pick was third round running back Jamaal Charles out of Texas. This kid has a ton of talent and should team nicely with star (yet regressing) Larry Johnson. They were also able to take tight end Tony Gonzalez's future replacement in third round pick Brad Cottam. The kid came out of Tennessee and is really raw. But he is 6'7 and is a monster in the trenches. If he can learn the system and get some good coaching he could become a force.
  

The rest will come later on during the weekend.

NFL Draft Analysis! Part Two

I think Mel Kipah Joonyah and Todd "Nemesis" McShay should battle in a no holds barred cage fight. They hate each other and Kiper obviously cannot handle another draft savant on his block. Kiper has all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for frustration of not predicting the draft correctly and disgust for McShay. Something horrible is happening inside of him and he doesn't know why. Kiper's nightly bloodlust has overflown into his days. He feels lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think his mask of sanity is about to slip. Personally, I think it's because T-Mac called the Mr. Irrelevant selection 15 minutes before it happened. And now for the analysis:

• Carolina Panthers: 7 Scissoring Cheerleaders (out of 10): The Panthers had 2 first round picks by trading their 2009 1st round selection to the Philadelphia Eagles. John Fox has nothing to lose but his job, so why not right? They took Jonathan Stewart with the 13th pick and Jeff Otah from Pitt with the 19th. I like Stewart. He runs hard and fast and should be able to compliment DeAngelo Williams nicely. Otah gives the Panthers some youth along the offensive line and he could compete for a starting spot this fall. Godfrey isn't spectacular but he can contribute on special teams. Dan Connor was a steal in the 3rd round as he was predicted to go as early as midway through the first round at one point and is PSUs all time leading tackler. Tar Heel Hilee Taylor got picked up in the 7th round w00t. With 9 draft picks, maybe half of those will pan out.
• Chicago Bears: A pretty good, but not great deep dish pizza. I would still rather have a thin crust pizza: Kevin Smith will start because Cedric Benson is about as useful as Ricky Williams is to the Dolphins. Chris Williams is good. Earl Bennett was productive at Vandy and will help the Bears' awful WR corps. They have no chance of winning the NFC North. LSU safety Craig Steltz may also start opposite Danieal Manning.
  
• Cincinnati Bengals: C for Convicts: Marvin Lewis talked about focusing on drafting pass rushers before the draft. Pass Rushers Drafted: 0. I love the Keith Rivers pick. With Sedrick Ellis off the board, the Bengals took the the second of the 10 USC players to be drafted this past weekend. Although he has some durability concerns, Rivers can be a dominant force at the LB position for years to come. He is a freak athlete and has a good nose for the football. The Bengals won't break .500, but Rivers should have a similar impact to the one Patrick Willis had last year in San Fran. Ah...Jerome Simpson - the measurable monster. He's a skinny bugger at 190 lbs but he's 6'2'' and should be able to add some pounds without sacrificing speed. He has great reach because of his LONG ARMS!!!!!!! and has the biggest hands of any receiver in the draft. He runs in the mid 4.4s and has a 43 inch vertical. He was once SportsCenter's #1 play with a one hander lander. He also hurdled a defender once in a spectacular fashion. We'll see if all those measurables can translate into productivity at the professional level. Andre Caldwell will be a bust just like all the other UFlorida WRs. Pat Sims was a good pick in the 3rd round. Sims was considered by many to be one of the top 5 DTs. The Bengals never learn though. They drafted Jason Shirley, the DT out of Fresno State, who has been trials pending on two DUIs and one hit and run. The Bengals have had 10 players arrested in the past 14 months and if I had to guess, Shirley will be wearing white stripes, instead of orange ones, before long. Anthony Collins could develop into a good OT after a couple of years. Mike Williams, I mean Mario Urrutia, will be a non-factor.
• Cleveland Browns: B for the Browns and Brady Quinn! NOW I'M DONE (almost)!: Beau Bell was an excellent pick in the 4th round. He racked up 126 tackles (10 for a loss), 4 interceptions, 5 forced fumbles, and 3 sacks. Those are some impressive stats, even if he was just playing for football powerhouse UNLV. In a couple years the Browns could have one of the better linebacking corps with D'Qwell Jackson, Kamerion Wimbley, Andra Davis and Beau Bell. It's too early to tell how Hubbard will develop, but he could be an exciting player. Taking everything into consideration (trading this years 1st round pick for the overrated Brady Quinn, trading their 2nd round pick for Packers' DT Corey Williams, and their 3rd for the Lions' Shaun Rogers) they had a very good draft, even if technically they drafted two DTs who are approaching their 30s. In any case, Rogers and Williams will start and greatly improve the Browns' defensive line.
  

NFL Draft Analysis! Part One

The NFL Draft, one of my favorite sporting events, went down this weekend. I don't care if it is just an over-hyped reading of names, I love it. After the draft, everyone and their mother decides to grade the draft performance of all of the teams, despite the fact that none of the players have played a single NFL down. They use letter grades, stars, thumbs, and all sorts of nonsensical other rating systems to assess these performances. Mel Kiper Jr. Only gave out one A, because his wisdom has evidently gone to his head. Anyway, I am not above this sure-to-be-wrong evaluating. In fact, mine will be even better, as I will use multiple rating systems to grade each team. Here we go, in alphabetical order (because why not?):

• Arizona Cardinals: 8 out of 10: The Cardinals had a fairly productive draft. They ended up with three players who at one time or another were in the first round discussion. Dominique Rodgers- Cromartie is evidently quite the athlete, and since he is related to Antonio Cromartie, he must be good (Logic!). Doucet and Campbell are both very good athletes who can be quality pros, and Doucet provides insurance in case Anquan Boldin pulls some holdout nonsense (he is unhappy with his contract). Kenny Iwebema is a nice value pick, and he and Campbell should serve to fill some of the void left by Calvin Pace. I don't like the pick of some Richmond Running Back in round 5 when Mike Hart was still available, but the same complaint can be levied against almost every team, so I won't hold that against them all. Solid draft overall.
• Atlanta Falcons: 6 fighting dogs (out of 10): Atlanta obviously hopes to make Matt Ryan their franchise quarterback, and make fans forget about Mike Vick. Sorry Atlanta, Mike Vick won't be forgotten about that easily. Moreover, while Matt Ryan is a good quarterback, he is a bit overrated. This post from the Sunday Morning Quarterback Blog shows this, with statistical evidence! I could only wish our blog was so scien-terrific. Also of note in that post is the quality players who were passed over. There are at least 6 or 7 guys on that list who I would of loved one of my teams to draft. Back to the Falcons... They also traded back into the first round for Sam Baker. Baker is a good tackle, but should not have been a first rounder. This was a desperation reach since he was the best tackle left. they would have been better off trading up earlier, since they obviously wanted a cornerstone tackle to protect Ryan. Still a reach though. Their next three picks were all very good values. Curtis Lofton is a good backer, and Chevis Jackson and Harry Douglas are both good players. The Mike Hart issue comes up again in round 6, as they drafted Thomas Brown, who could not even start for his college team, over Michigan's all time leading rusher. Makes a lot of sense. Anyway, the 2nd and 3rd rounds made an otherwise poor draft into a average one.
  
• Baltimore Ravens: A+: What a great draft. Sure, Joe Flacco is a bit of an unknown quantity, but he seemingly has better raw ability than the rest of the Quarterbacks in this draft. The real reason they get an A+ is because of two picks; Ray Rice and Tom Zbikowski. Obviously, I am a giant homer for Ray Rice (Westchester!) and think he is a great value at pick 50. He and McGahee should form a formidable backfield duo. Zbikowski is certifiably insane, and should be a special teams dynamo, until the day he is able to start next to Ed Reed at safety. While I would never have him return kicks, because he does not call fair catches and will probably get decapitated at the NFL Level, his insanity and toughness make him a great pick. Tavares Gooden was also a very productive player on a mediocre Miami team last year, but he should learn a lot from Ray Lewis and become a quality player. A+ Baltimore!
  
• Buffalo Bills: a dozen 35 cent wings: This draft left me relatively unenthused. James Hardy was a good value pick, and McKelvin fills a need nicely. Did this draft do enough to make them a playoff team, with Trent Edwards and Marshawn Lynch leading the way? Nope. But it was not bad either.

Okay, that's enough for now. Obviously I only reviewed four teams, but I am tired. I promise I will have all 32 teams reviewed by the end of the week. Keep reading!