We interrupt your regularly scheduled posts for this special update...

The team by team draft analysis has proven to be a more weighty task than anticipated. It's finals, give us a break. Anyhow, in the past few days, numerous, important stories have developed; stories that cannot be ignored.

• The Blogosphere is a twitter due to last night's Costas Now. Buzz Bissinger, author of Friday Night Lights, flipped out on Will Leitch, editor of Deadspin, and condemned all blogs. Now, I have met Bissinger. He is a nice enough guy, as long as you are complementing his work. The man clearly thinks very highly of himself. I have not met Leitch, but I am fairly certain he is not an arrogant douche. Obviously there are crappy blogs on the interwebs, but Deadspin is not one of those. Ken Tremendous, aka Mose Schrute, of the Fire Joe Morgan Blog, put it best; to condemn the entire medium of blogging based on some garbage is as absurd as condemning all books because Ann Coulter is a giant idiot (I'm paraphrasing obviously). Tons of "old" media folks make similar arguments, and truly, it serves to make a lot of smart people look like idiots. Blogger Solidarity!

• Sean Avery ruptured his spleen. You may recall a similar fate befalling Chris Simms a few years back. The Rangers are down 3-0, so him being out for the year is seemingly irrelevant, but hopefully he will be alright. All indications are that he will be, but he had a freaking heart attack because of this, so it is a bit frightening.

• Roger Clemens had an affair. Normally, I would not care, because tons of professional athletes have shady deals going on, but this story is important for two reasons. First off, it reflects poorly on his character, especially because he denied it, despite the country singer who he reportedly slept with confirming the allegations. This is relevant because his entire defense against Brian McNamee is based on character. More importantly, Mindy McCready, the singer/ lady of note in this case, was 15 years old at the time that this affair began. Roger, on the other hand, was older than that. This would fall under the statutory rape law, which last time I checked, was a major crime. Double Uh-Oh for Clemens.

• Speaking of statutory rape (how often does one get to type that?!), Demetrius Bell was drafted in the 7th round of the NFL draft by the Buffalo Bills. His father? Karl Malone. Bell and Malone have had limited contact, and when they did meet, Malone was evidently a real asshole. Now Malone has fathered his fair share of kids, but this is not news. Shawn Kemp and Travis Henry could probably start their own country with all of the illegitimate kids they have. What is relevant is that Bell's mother was evidently 12 or 13 years old when she gave birth to Demetrius. This means that Malone, who was in college at the time, is clearly guilty of statutory rape. It is one thing to be an asshole and a non-existent father, but to father a child with a 13 year old is completely unacceptable. I may be alone in this feeling, but statutory rape should probably be a bigger deal than Josh Howard's pot habit, or even Steroids. That's just my opinion.

• Currently, Liverpool and Chelsea are playing an awesome soccer game, for the right to play Manchester United in the Champion's League Final. Now, I can't stand MLS Soccer, and I hate that ESPN tries to make me care about it. But Champions League Soccer is not only watchable, but fairly entertaining, and this game even more so. Check it out for sure. the final is May 21st, mark it down.

Until next time, be safe, and try not to sleep with minors.

NFL Draft Analysis! Part Three

If you didn't catch the Manchester United vs Barcelona today, you missed an awesome game. There were a lot of near misses by both teams and until about the last 5 minutes where Milito squandered every offensive opportunity, you had a feeling that Barcelona had a great chance going to tie it and get to the Champions League Finals. It's the first time that two English clubs will be playing in the championship game. You missed this...

• Dallas Cowboys: 8.5 buckets of popcorn (out of 10): The only thing I didn't like about the Cowboys' draft was that they passed on drafting a WR. Their starters are getting up their in age and their backups really can't hold their own. Maybe Jerry Jones knows something we all don't. Felix Jones is not Reggie Bush, although they are built the same way. I watched a bunch of the Arkansas games this past season and there were several occasions where Felix Jones looked better as Robin than McFadden did as Batman. He is actually a football player. Jones should be able to have some impact in the return game. Sticking with the running backs, Tashard Choice is a force. He would get about 30 carries a game at Georgia Tech and would only look stronger as the game progressed. Not entirely sure whey they took him, with Barber already in Dallas - must be for insurance purposes. Mike Jenkins is one of the most athletic CBs to come out of this years draft and has some return abilities and fills one of their top needs. Martellus Bennett is enormous and pretty quick for his size. He's a tough player with good hands.
  
• Denver Broncos: B: The Broncos did a pretty good job addressing their needs in the draft. Out of their first 3 picks, 2 were offensive lineman. Boise State OT Ryan Clady might be good enough to start right away, which might be Coach Shanatan's plan. They took Kent State center Korey Lichtensteiger for added depth. Eddie Royal reminds me of Brandon Marshall and will be one of Cutler's favorite targets, if not only because hey doesn't have that many other options to throw to. ASU RB Ryan Torain is a big back at 6'0'' 222 and if the offensive line can correct some mistakes, should be able to find some good holes to run through - especially in Denver's zone blocking scheme. Selvin Young looked pretty good last year but can't do it alone. Travis Henry is a Bronco but he has 9 kids with 9 different women and has some off the field issues, so drafting Torain is smart. Joshua Barrett could be better than Hamza Abdullah, so another good selection. Finally, I like the selection of Peyton Hillis. He has wheels, can block and can catch the ball out of the backfield.
  
• Detroit Lions: 6.5 non-winning seasons (out of 10): If anyone is curious, the Lions have actually had 9 non-winning seasons in the past 10 years. 5 of their 9 picks were defensive players, which was a good idea in theory, given that the Lions' defense sucked. Jordon Dizon was a necessary pick, Kevin Smith will certainly help spark a dormant running game, especially with the addition of Gosder Cherilus - the run blocking Boston College OT. I like the selection of Purdue DE Cliff Avril. He led his time in sacks and tackles for a loss. He is a hybrid player, much like Vernon Gholston, who can play OLB as well. For the record, I am not convinced that Gholston is a can't miss player. He disappeared during games a little too often at OSU, which means he probably took plays off. Sure, he's a workout warrior...but so is Adam Archuleta and he hurts defenses more than he helps. In any case, Avril should pick a position and master it, instead of rotating between the two like he did in college. The Kenneth Moore pick is okay. He had 98 catches and over 1,000 yards in his final year at Wake Forest, but the Lions can't even find ways to utilize Roy Williams and Calvin Johnson to their full potential. Don't expect to be hearing Moore's name very often in 2008.
  
• Green Bay Packers: 10 beer basted brats (out of 10): I wouldn't expect anything less from the greatest football team in all the land, than a perfect draft. 19-0 here we come. But in all serious, I thought it was a solid draft with players with a lot of upside and potential. Ted Thompson has a pretty good eye for relatively unknown WRs (see Greg Jennings, James Jones). Jordy Nelson can ball. He is our second tallest WR behind Ruvell Martin, who by default found himself a member of the Fab 5. What I most like about Nelson is he can catch the ball in traffic, doesn't shy way from contact and is great after the catch. All three talents are perfect for the west coast offensive scheme up in Green Bay. Driver is on his last legs and Nelson will add some competition for the 3rd and 4th receiving spots as a rookie. Patrick Lee, the Auburn CB, is physical, so he'll fit right into our bump and run defense. What I don't like about Lee is that he's 24 and for some reason he brings back memories of Ahmad Carroll, because he might be too physical downfield. Lee is probably best suited in a zone defense, but hopefully Harris and Woodson can be his mentor and he can develop into a starter, instead of just a sub-package CB. Jermichael Finley can also pick up yards after the catch. He's 6'4.5'' and has deceptive speed. I only wish he was a better blocker. In any case with Bubba gone, Finley is a good pick. Jeremy Thompson is apparently Ted Thompson's "boy", so I expect nothing but good things. We picked up two OTs in the later rounds which was necessary. OG may have been a bigger need, but the draft is for the future and Clifton and Tauscher are getting pretty old. Brohm was a steal in the 2nd round (25th pick). Aaron Rodgers will start and hopefully can stay healthy and develop into the next Steve Young. Rodgers shouldn't worry too much about the Pack drafting Brohm because 1) we usually go with the best player available and 2) behind Rodgers we had Craig Nall 3) we needed depth. Go Pack, Go.
  

NFL Draft Analysis! Part Two

I think Mel Kipah Joonyah and Todd "Nemesis" McShay should battle in a no holds barred cage fight. They hate each other and Kiper obviously cannot handle another draft savant on his block. Kiper has all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for frustration of not predicting the draft correctly and disgust for McShay. Something horrible is happening inside of him and he doesn't know why. Kiper's nightly bloodlust has overflown into his days. He feels lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think his mask of sanity is about to slip. Personally, I think it's because T-Mac called the Mr. Irrelevant selection 15 minutes before it happened. And now for the analysis:

• Carolina Panthers: 7 Scissoring Cheerleaders (out of 10): The Panthers had 2 first round picks by trading their 2009 1st round selection to the Philadelphia Eagles. John Fox has nothing to lose but his job, so why not right? They took Jonathan Stewart with the 13th pick and Jeff Otah from Pitt with the 19th. I like Stewart. He runs hard and fast and should be able to compliment DeAngelo Williams nicely. Otah gives the Panthers some youth along the offensive line and he could compete for a starting spot this fall. Godfrey isn't spectacular but he can contribute on special teams. Dan Connor was a steal in the 3rd round as he was predicted to go as early as midway through the first round at one point and is PSUs all time leading tackler. Tar Heel Hilee Taylor got picked up in the 7th round w00t. With 9 draft picks, maybe half of those will pan out.
• Chicago Bears: A pretty good, but not great deep dish pizza. I would still rather have a thin crust pizza: Kevin Smith will start because Cedric Benson is about as useful as Ricky Williams is to the Dolphins. Chris Williams is good. Earl Bennett was productive at Vandy and will help the Bears' awful WR corps. They have no chance of winning the NFC North. LSU safety Craig Steltz may also start opposite Danieal Manning.
  
• Cincinnati Bengals: C for Convicts: Marvin Lewis talked about focusing on drafting pass rushers before the draft. Pass Rushers Drafted: 0. I love the Keith Rivers pick. With Sedrick Ellis off the board, the Bengals took the the second of the 10 USC players to be drafted this past weekend. Although he has some durability concerns, Rivers can be a dominant force at the LB position for years to come. He is a freak athlete and has a good nose for the football. The Bengals won't break .500, but Rivers should have a similar impact to the one Patrick Willis had last year in San Fran. Ah...Jerome Simpson - the measurable monster. He's a skinny bugger at 190 lbs but he's 6'2'' and should be able to add some pounds without sacrificing speed. He has great reach because of his LONG ARMS!!!!!!! and has the biggest hands of any receiver in the draft. He runs in the mid 4.4s and has a 43 inch vertical. He was once SportsCenter's #1 play with a one hander lander. He also hurdled a defender once in a spectacular fashion. We'll see if all those measurables can translate into productivity at the professional level. Andre Caldwell will be a bust just like all the other UFlorida WRs. Pat Sims was a good pick in the 3rd round. Sims was considered by many to be one of the top 5 DTs. The Bengals never learn though. They drafted Jason Shirley, the DT out of Fresno State, who has been trials pending on two DUIs and one hit and run. The Bengals have had 10 players arrested in the past 14 months and if I had to guess, Shirley will be wearing white stripes, instead of orange ones, before long. Anthony Collins could develop into a good OT after a couple of years. Mike Williams, I mean Mario Urrutia, will be a non-factor.
• Cleveland Browns: B for the Browns and Brady Quinn! NOW I'M DONE (almost)!: Beau Bell was an excellent pick in the 4th round. He racked up 126 tackles (10 for a loss), 4 interceptions, 5 forced fumbles, and 3 sacks. Those are some impressive stats, even if he was just playing for football powerhouse UNLV. In a couple years the Browns could have one of the better linebacking corps with D'Qwell Jackson, Kamerion Wimbley, Andra Davis and Beau Bell. It's too early to tell how Hubbard will develop, but he could be an exciting player. Taking everything into consideration (trading this years 1st round pick for the overrated Brady Quinn, trading their 2nd round pick for Packers' DT Corey Williams, and their 3rd for the Lions' Shaun Rogers) they had a very good draft, even if technically they drafted two DTs who are approaching their 30s. In any case, Rogers and Williams will start and greatly improve the Browns' defensive line.
  

NFL Draft Analysis! Part One

The NFL Draft, one of my favorite sporting events, went down this weekend. I don't care if it is just an over-hyped reading of names, I love it. After the draft, everyone and their mother decides to grade the draft performance of all of the teams, despite the fact that none of the players have played a single NFL down. They use letter grades, stars, thumbs, and all sorts of nonsensical other rating systems to assess these performances. Mel Kiper Jr. Only gave out one A, because his wisdom has evidently gone to his head. Anyway, I am not above this sure-to-be-wrong evaluating. In fact, mine will be even better, as I will use multiple rating systems to grade each team. Here we go, in alphabetical order (because why not?):

• Arizona Cardinals: 8 out of 10: The Cardinals had a fairly productive draft. They ended up with three players who at one time or another were in the first round discussion. Dominique Rodgers- Cromartie is evidently quite the athlete, and since he is related to Antonio Cromartie, he must be good (Logic!). Doucet and Campbell are both very good athletes who can be quality pros, and Doucet provides insurance in case Anquan Boldin pulls some holdout nonsense (he is unhappy with his contract). Kenny Iwebema is a nice value pick, and he and Campbell should serve to fill some of the void left by Calvin Pace. I don't like the pick of some Richmond Running Back in round 5 when Mike Hart was still available, but the same complaint can be levied against almost every team, so I won't hold that against them all. Solid draft overall.
• Atlanta Falcons: 6 fighting dogs (out of 10): Atlanta obviously hopes to make Matt Ryan their franchise quarterback, and make fans forget about Mike Vick. Sorry Atlanta, Mike Vick won't be forgotten about that easily. Moreover, while Matt Ryan is a good quarterback, he is a bit overrated. This post from the Sunday Morning Quarterback Blog shows this, with statistical evidence! I could only wish our blog was so scien-terrific. Also of note in that post is the quality players who were passed over. There are at least 6 or 7 guys on that list who I would of loved one of my teams to draft. Back to the Falcons... They also traded back into the first round for Sam Baker. Baker is a good tackle, but should not have been a first rounder. This was a desperation reach since he was the best tackle left. they would have been better off trading up earlier, since they obviously wanted a cornerstone tackle to protect Ryan. Still a reach though. Their next three picks were all very good values. Curtis Lofton is a good backer, and Chevis Jackson and Harry Douglas are both good players. The Mike Hart issue comes up again in round 6, as they drafted Thomas Brown, who could not even start for his college team, over Michigan's all time leading rusher. Makes a lot of sense. Anyway, the 2nd and 3rd rounds made an otherwise poor draft into a average one.
  
• Baltimore Ravens: A+: What a great draft. Sure, Joe Flacco is a bit of an unknown quantity, but he seemingly has better raw ability than the rest of the Quarterbacks in this draft. The real reason they get an A+ is because of two picks; Ray Rice and Tom Zbikowski. Obviously, I am a giant homer for Ray Rice (Westchester!) and think he is a great value at pick 50. He and McGahee should form a formidable backfield duo. Zbikowski is certifiably insane, and should be a special teams dynamo, until the day he is able to start next to Ed Reed at safety. While I would never have him return kicks, because he does not call fair catches and will probably get decapitated at the NFL Level, his insanity and toughness make him a great pick. Tavares Gooden was also a very productive player on a mediocre Miami team last year, but he should learn a lot from Ray Lewis and become a quality player. A+ Baltimore!
  
• Buffalo Bills: a dozen 35 cent wings: This draft left me relatively unenthused. James Hardy was a good value pick, and McKelvin fills a need nicely. Did this draft do enough to make them a playoff team, with Trent Edwards and Marshawn Lynch leading the way? Nope. But it was not bad either.

Okay, that's enough for now. Obviously I only reviewed four teams, but I am tired. I promise I will have all 32 teams reviewed by the end of the week. Keep reading!

Joba?

Shenanigans might actually have a point there. And no I'm not talking about Joba Chamberlain starting. I'm talking about the fact that, Hank Steinbrenner, George Steinbrenner and all the other Steinbrenner's need to shut the fuck up. Seriously Hank, all you do is undermine Joe #2 and that is never a good thing for your team. Challenging your coaches decisions, which Hank just did with his assertion that Joba must start now, is just asking for trouble and is just not needed. If I was Joe Girardi I'd be pissed and I would walk into Hank's office and tell him to keep his opinion in house for the sake of the team. PERIOD.

Now that is just my opinion on the situation of Hank Steinbrenner. Moving onto Mr. Chamberlain, I agree that the kid should probably be a starting pitcher. He has a nasty fastball that sits on the 90-95 mph range and as scouts say it has a ton of movement and zip to it. He also has a fairly nasty slider that sits in the 85-90 mph range giving him two solid pitches. He also can command his curveball and a changeup, and his curveball was was his best pitch in college. However since he has been in the major leagues, Chamberlain has relied much more heavily on his fastball and his slider than he has on his curveball or his changeup.

With those two dominate pitches, Joba has become one of the, if not the best, set up men in the major leagues. The kid was awesome last year, and so far has been awesome this year. Last year he threw in 24 innings, giving up only 12 hits, two runs, only 1 earned, and had 34 strike outs. This year, in only 6 innings, he has eight strike outs, given up only 1 run and has only allowed five hits. His stuff is nasty and hitters simply have not been able to figure him out. I understand that he has the potential to be an "ace" in the league. AND that he could probably be that ace within the next year or so. However, the Yankees already have five pitchers, with Chien-Ming Wang, Andy Pettitte, Mike Mussina, Phil Hughes, and Ian Kennedy. So if Joba was installed into the rotation one of those men, most likely Mussina, would have to be removed from it.

Now I don't see a point, in starting 3 rookie pitchers in the same pitching staff at the same time. Mussina isn't what he used to be but he is still a decent starting pitcher. Pettitte is slowing down but again he too is still more than serviceable, and Wang is a very legitimate pitcher with a disgusting sinker that is at times not hittable. I think it makes sense for the Yankees to keep Chamberlain in his current situation. Let him continue to gain confidence in himself as well as his pitches. Let him and Mario Rivera shutdown games for you. Let the two of them continue to dominate the 8th and 9th innings of ballgames and making it almost impossible for a team to beat you with a lead in the end of games. Then next year when Pettitte or Mussina retires you will have an opening in the rotation. Put Joba in then, after he had a full year in the bigs and then watch as he dominates the league.

Joba Rules

My thoughts on Hank Steinbrenner are well documented, but this morning the news that he opened up his big fat mouth again broke, and I have to say I agree with him. Hank said that Joba Chamberlain, the best of the Yankees big three young pitchers, should be starting. While I dislike the fact that Hank is speaking out this early in the season (or ever) and undermining Joe Girardi's authority, he does have a point.

While it is a nice luxury to be able to have games essentially ended when the Yankees have a lead after 7 innings, due to the dynamic duo that is Joba and Mo, it is useless to have such an asset when the Yankees cannot obtain a lead through seven innings. When the Starting Pitching is struggling, having a great eighth inning pitcher is useless.

The main point is this: Starters have a much larger impact throughout the season. Sure, they pitch once every 5 games. But the number of innings they effect is at least double that of set-up men and closers. Joba is talented enough that they having him pitch more would obviously be beneficial. The Yankees starters have been struggling, and having a quality pitcher like Joba would be great. There are plenty of stats to back this up, but I choose not to list them. Instead I will just reiterate my main point; Joba needs to be a starter, for the short and long term benefit of the Yankees.

In Case You Have Completely Forgotten...

About Reggie Bush, he was recently quoted in the New Orleans Times-Picayune saying, "I've got to come out and have an equal or better year. I've got to get the crowd chanting M-V-P. I've had plenty of time to reflect. I missed the last four games. That really hurt me because I never really had to miss any games before. I had a lot of time to think and just go through what approach I want to take this year and how I want to go about this year and getting to that elite level of athletes."

Reggie Bush for MVP. That is laughable.

Let's break down his rushing stats:

Reggie was ranked 143rd in the league in yards per carry in 2007. This was an improvement from his 2006 numbers, where he was ranked 168th. His rookie season he had 0 runs over 20+ yards. So much for the most exciting player to ever step on a football field. Gale Sayers? I think not. Bush also fumbled twice in 2006.

In 2007 though, Bush had 3 runs of over 20 yards. However his season long was 22 yards. So it's not that impressive. He also fumbled 7 times last year. He only averaged 48.4 yards per game.

But isn't Reggie a great receiver?

His receiving stats:

Although Bush was near the top of the league in receptions, he was ranked 371st in yards per reception. He only had one catch that went for over 20 yards (25 yard gain). To make matters worse, he ranked among the lead leaders with 10 dropped passes. These also aren't bombs down field or in routes across the middle. These are mostly screen passes where the is no excuse for drops.

To compare, let's take a look at Adrian Peterson's rookie season:

Every time Purple Jesus runs the ball, he gets 2 more yards than Bush does. In one year, AD has more rushing touchdowns that Bush has totaled in 2 seasons - with the Saints doing their best to boost Reggie stats by giving him the ball on 1 yard line, only to see him take 3 tries to get put 6 points on the board.

Peterson had 11 runs of over 20 yards and 5 of over 40 yards in his rookie season. He also averaged 95.8 rushing yards per game, only getting 17 touches. He also has converted more first downs in one season than Bush has in 2. Adrian Peterson's reception average blows Bush's out of the water. He had 3 receptions that went for over 20 yards and 1 that went over 40 yards. If he would have caught 11 more passes (30 receptions), he would have recorded more receiving yards than Bush did in 73 receptions.

Reggie Bush, like Steve Slaton, is scared of contact. I can't even count the number of times Bush has had 1 player to beat and either steps out of bounds or gets tackled. I have never seen him lower his shoulder or even stiff arm anyone. Maybe Sheldon Brown's hit really did something to his psyche...

But it is more than that. He was fast enough to be productive against slow teams at USC. LenDale White did the dirty work. He would get the tough yards. He would grind and pick up yards up the middle. Reggie would come in and score easy touchdowns against a tired defense. When USC played a fast defense, Pete Carroll would put in LenDale. When they played a slow one, he would put in Bush. In the NFL defenses come at two different speeds - fast and faster. Bush tries to do too much. He takes 1 step upfield and takes 2 steps backwards. I've seen him get past the first down marker, only to run backwards and end up losing yards, forcing the Saints to punt.

A list of NFL MVPs since 1995 (from various organizations):

1. Brett Favre
2. Brett Favre
3. Brett Favre/Barry Sanders
4. Terrell Davis/Randall Cunningham
5. Kurt Warner
6. Marshall Faulk/Rich Gannon
7. Kurt Warner/Marshall Faulk
8. Rich Gannon
9. Peyton Manning/Steve McNair
10. Peyton Manning
11. Shaun Alexander
12. LaDainian Tomlinson
13. Tom Brady

Reggie Bush doesn't even belong in the same sentence as any of those players, with the exception of Shaun Alexander. But at least Shaun was once productive AND a franchise back. You can't be the NFL MVP splitting carries. You can't be the MVP averaging 3.7 ypc. You can't be the MVP if you can't break tackles. You can't be the MVP if you can't pick up yards after contact. You can't be the MVP if you have only had one 100 yard game in 28 appearances.

Reggie Bush, you can't be the MVP. You won't be the MVP. You don't even know how to be the MVP.

Switch to WR and shut up or stick to Hollywood and stop wasting our time.

Some stuff happened

As JT mentioned earlier, the Masters happened this weekend. I watched a significant chunk of it. I would have watched more, but ESPN and CBS decided that showing Little House on the Prairie and some combination of Poker and Rodeo would be a wiser decision than showing the early parts of the Masters. Anyhow, I have thoughts:

• Trevor Immelman earned his victory. Golf, especially on a course like Augusta National, is about limiting mistakes and taking advantage of opportunities when they present themselves. Immelman was the only player that did that. Tiger put himself in a position to do better than he did based on his approach shots, but his poor Par-5 performance, coupled with a consistent misreading of putts, ultimately led to his undoing.
• On that same note, Tiger still finished second. If Tiger had not raised the bar so high, this would be a great finish. The media and fans nitpick at his performance because of these lofty expectations, and in truth he did not play "Tiger-esque" golf. But he finished 2nd out of 90+ people. Thats pretty solid.
• Everyone else, aside from Immelman and Tiger, seemed unable to put together 4 solid rounds of Golf. Defending champion Zach Johnson played very well on Thursday and Saturday, but collapsed on Friday and Sunday to put himself out of contention. Brandt Snedeker, Phil Michelson, Ian Poulter, Justin Rose, and essentially every other player exhibited equal or greater levels of inconsistency.
• Gene Wojciechowski is an Assbag. Prior to Sunday, despite Tiger being down 7 and 6 strokes on Friday and Saturday, Gene claimed Tiger was still the favorite to win. His rationale for this was that the guys in front of Tiger were no names. Let's just have Tiger and Phil play by themselves every weekend, Gene. That way guys with name recognition have to win. What a poorly constructed argument, he should lose his press credentials. Moreover, after Immelman won, rather than giving him credit and eating his words, he said this:

" So South African Trevor Immelman won. Or maybe more accurately, he didn't lose."
Deserving Winner.

Really, Gene? The guy won the Masters, in fairly dominating fashion, you could at least give him credit for winning. It isn't like he was spotted the 6 strokes on Tiger before Sunday, he earned them. Just poor, Tiger-centric journalism. Tiger is great and a pleasure to watch, but Assbags like Gene make it difficult to support him.

• I know that Masters champs automatically qualify for every other Masters ever, but at a certain point I feel like it makes a mockery of the sport. Gary Player was a great golfer, but he is about 3 million years old, and has no chance of making the cut. It is like inviting Kareem Abdul- Jabbar to play for the Lakers in the NBA Championship, because he won it a while ago. It is nice that they honor the greats and all, but there should be a way to do it without having them actually play in the event and bring down the level of competition.
• The CBS coverage of the Masters is somewhat sickening. Jim Nantz gushing over the amount of tradition and beauty gets old really quickly. Sure it is a great Golf course and a prestigious tournament, but the way they talk about it, you'd think that Green Jacket had a Nobel Peace Prize in its pocket. It's a great tournament and quite prestigious, but a little bit of perspective, and a little less hyperbole, would be fantastic.
• Also annoying about the CBS coverage was Nick Faldo. It is just great that he played in the Master many times, but when I am watching Nick Watney sink an eagle, I really do not care what he did 20 years ago. Him and Billy Packer should hang out some time.
• An enjoyable tournament overall, although it would have been nice if it was closer. Immelman deserves a ton of credit for not allowing it to become interesting.
  

A Tradition Unlike Any Other

It's a pretty lazy Sunday here in Chapel Hill...what better to do than procrastinate and watch the Masters in HD.

Brandt Snedeker is doing his best Brett Favre impression. He's just out there having fun. He's also -9 and has a good chance to get his green jacket. He sank a nasty putt earlier this round. Like the commentators said, he's really tracking and reading the greens very well today.

Woods is still 6 back. Immelman isn't playing perfect golf this Sunday, but he's even today so the pressure is still on Tiger and the rest of the group. He has had some birdie opportunities but hasn't capitalized on them. His putting is letting him down even though hes -11. Immelman, if he continues his current performance, could be the only player to shoot below 70 all four days.

Snedeker just fell to -8. Flesch just dropped to -7 after missing a fairway and then hitting a tree trying to punch the ball out.

Paul Casey has fallen apart.

Shingo Katayama dresses like an idiot.

Golf is by no means the best sport to blog about. I'm going to get back to the HD experience. If you can, change the aspect setting from normal or stretch to zoom for the Masters. It looks ridiculous. You can pretty much count the blades of grass.

Go Tiger.

Update: In the end, Trevor Immelman deserved to win. A scratch golfer at just 12 years old, he had a bunch of nice saves out of bunkers and the rough, and he was far enough ahead to drop his tee shot into a water hazard without much consequence in the final round. Immelman two putted on his way to a Masters title (he had strokes to spare). He came back from cancer, albeit benign, and you could say he was the most consistent player this weekend. It was his tournament to lose - he's the new major champion. Plus his wife is pretty hot.

Although Tiger made a short run on the back 9, he still missed too many makeable putts. He played pretty poorly, but amazingly he finished 2nd. Still disappointing. It's hard not to pull for Tiger.

Brandt Snedeker maybe had too much fun out there, having his worst day of the tournament.

All in all it was an entertaining tournament, but it lacked the memorable race to the finish.

Warning! Stay Away from QBs, WRs, RBs

Bill Walsh used to say, "You coach offense, but you draft defense."

He was exactly right.

Walsh was an innovator on the offensive side of the ball, introducing the West Coast offense, scripting plays to start a game (known as the "first 15"), but he was also one of the first coaches to find, scout, and draft his own players.

Incredibly, he won his first Super Bowl (Super Bowl XVI) with the 49ers with three rookies in his defensive secondary - Ronnie Lott, Eric Wright, and Carlton Williamson. That same team had a league-best 13-3 record as well. Montana was only 25 years old at the time. They also couldn't run. The 49ers used three RBs that year, neither of which averaged more than 3.6 ypc and only scored 1 td as a group.

But back to Walsh's drafting philosophy. Excluding last year's first round draft class (numbers based on an ESPN Page 2 study):

Players Picked in the First Round
OL - 70
DE - 55
CB - 52
WR - 51
LB - 48
DT - 42
RB -41
QB -30
S -19

More interestingly though...

First Round Bust Percentages
QB - 53%
RB - 49%
WR - 45%
DT - 33%
OL - 31%
DE - 31%
CB - 29%
LB - 16%
S - 11%

And finally...

First Round Pro Bowl Percentages
S - 53%
DT - 40%
LB - 39%
RB - 36%
DE - 33%
QB - 33%
WR - 31%
OL - 26%
CB - 23%

So on April 26th, you should be hoping that your team passes on Matt Ryan and Brian Brohm (be especially wary of Ryan), Darren McFadden, and DeSean Jackson. Based on the numbers, you should be pulling for Sedrick Ellis, Keith Rivers, Kenny Phillips, and Jake/Chris Long. If you're going to pay a 20 year old kid an exorbitant amount of money, you might as well make a safe investment and make those dollars count. To beat a dead horse some more, the Texans were fiscal geniuses for passing on Reggie Bust and taking Mario Williams. This past year, barely took the field, Calvin Johnson was underachieving, Ted Ginn Jr. was average, Brady Quinn lost the preseason battle to Anderson, Meacham came into camp weighing around 500 lbs and then got hurt, and Buster Davis (WR) was worthless. On offense, Anthony Gonzalez played well, so did Greg Olsen. Dwayne Bowe was great. Of course Purple Jesus and Marshawn Lynch had solid, though injury slowed rookie campaigns.

The "bust proof" side of the draft fared better. Joe Thomas solidified the left side of Cleveland's line, Levi Brown played well, LaRon Landry became an impact player towards the end of the season, Amobi Okoye was a force, Patrick Willis won Defensive Rookie of the Year, Adam Carriker has NFL talent, Revis had several good games, Aaron Ross can play ball, Michael Griffin helped the Titans, Reggie Nelson started on the Jags defense, and Jon Beason was a monster in Charlotte.


This makes me wonder about all the money teams threw at free agents - in other words, players whose teams deemed them expendable or didn't think they were worth the money. 26 offensive players now find themselves in a new city, compared to 27 defensive players now on a new team. In 2008, expect to see teams that spent money on defense and on the offensive line to be the most improved.

I can't really see Bernard Berrian doing too much in Minnesota, Michael Turner will be tested in Atlanta, DJ Hackett will probably get hurt again, Donte' Stallworth = overrated, Ernest Wilford = also underrated, Bryant Johnson is a good #3 (why is San Fran looking to another backup to start?), Javon Walker's knees are about as solid as Philip Rivers', Isaac Bruce and Warrick Dunn are walking corpses, and the list goes on.

The Patriots found a quick fix for their offense in free agency last year, but I don't see any teams whose offensive acquisitions will have a similar impact.

I commend Ted Thompson (Packers GM and George Young National Football League executive of the year winner) for keeping a tight budget in free agency. And I've grown to like his draft philosophy of taking the best player available, regardless of position or team need. The draft, he says, is a means of improving for the future. Yes sir. As long as you don't draft like the Bears, the Lions, the Eagles, and the 49ers - simply, as long as you draft intelligently.

Bill Walsh was a genius. RIP.

Click here for a list of the biggest Heisman flops. See the trend?
Click here for the 100 worst draft picks ever (all sports).

East Coast Cheerleaders

Shenanigans reminded us that the West Coast is overflowing with hot girls, but the East Coast has some lookers too. Biggie once said, "If I gotta choose a coast, I gotta choose the east"

Example 1

Example 2 (UGA)


Example 3

Example 4

Quick Word About Roy Williams

Well, I am glad to see that Roy is still enjoying his time in Texas.

Roy Williams is a great recruiter. He is not a great coach. He's about as soft as Josh McRoberts is. Against Kansas, Roy Williams waited until the score was 38-12 before calling a timeout. That's a 26 point deficit. No team has ever come back from 26 points in the Final Four. Roy, I hope you flip your bike over and knock out your two front teeth out...you selfish son of a bitch. Leaving our team in the trenches taking grenades! The Tar Heels got shelled. When UNC went on a 10-2 run, Bill Self called a full timeout. They were still up 40-22, but Self wasn't taking any chances. The half ended 44-27. Teams are given timeouts...why not use them. I understand Roy's philosophy closely mirrors Dean Smith's, but Roy is not Dean Smith.

When Kansas' lead shrank to 12, Self once again called a timeout. UNC then went on a 2-0 run. What did Self do? He called a timeout. We only scored 5 points in the last 5:10. No the Tar Heels did not play well. We couldn't deal with Kansas' tough defense. Hansbrough was being double and triple teamed. Wayne came up short, just like last year against Georgetown, and even this year against Duke. Lawson couldn't drive to the basket with any effectiveness. Deon and Alex who? Only Daniel Thaddeus Green was able to hit shots with any consistency and give us some hope for a comeback.

Williams said that we didn't come out with much intensity. I blame that on him too. His pregame speech probably sounded like a book on tape. I was disgusted to see him wearing a Jayhawk sticker, but even more perturbed to see him smile like a school girl when he was talking about Kansas during the halftime interview tonight. He also said that he has neither won, nor lost a game in the first half - he came pretty damn close on Saturday. He loves those Kansas kids a little too much. He didn't prepare us to play them - the team he has said was the team to beat all year long.

I guess he still got his championship, it's just a shame that it came at our expense. Tar Heel nation got a raw deal.

What a Game

That game was fantastic. I'd congratulate Kansas, but I'm sure Roy already has congratulated them plenty. Memphis had the game in hand, but Kansas stormed back. Chalmers was crazy clutch, not just on that 3, but on all of his free throws down the stretch. Additionally, Calipari needs to have his players foul Chalmers before he can take that shot at the end. 2 Free Throws cannot beat you when you are up 3.

Also....

I thought Free Throw shooting would cost Memphis. I've said it for weeks now. They had me fooled into thinking it was not a problem anymore. Then CDR and Rose missed 4 out of the last 5. That cost them the game right there. As well as CDR played, and Rose played in the 2nd half, those free throws cost them for sure. The Tigers unsung hero was Dozier, who played awesome. Too bad Kansas just willed there way to victory. Maybe next season Calipari will work on fundamentals like free throw shooting and situational defense.

The big question for Kansas now is, will Self stick around? Should be interesting, as T. Boone Pickens will probably offer him a small fortune to jump ship to OK State.

What a game to end a mediocre tournament. I'm already excited for next year.

Memphis vs Kansas Late Live Blog

• Crazy shot by Chalmers to force OT - very Durantula (Kevin Durant) like. Straight cash homie. I had flashbacks to the Kansas vs Davidson game, with the ultra slow progression up court. Collins almost turned it over, but the ball luckily bounced to Super Mario who sank the game tying 3. If Memphis could have hit two of those 5 freethrows they would be holding the trophy right now.
  
• Memphis could have also sealed the victory by fouling Kansas before they could put a shot up.
  
• Also Billy Packer is a fucktard. That should have been a technical foul on CDR. I guess he didn't "intentionally" slam the ball down.
  
• Chalmers with another big play throwing a nice alley oop to Darrell Arthur. Dorsey fouling out really hurts them here in OT.
• Wow. Impressive ball movement by Kansas working the ball around and managing to get an easy layup with less than 2 seconds on the shot clock.
  
• Roy Williams = douchebag. Shellbot just wondered if Roy would take the mic from Bill Self and thank his squad. I think he'd love to. He once said, "I could give a shit about North Carolina". I think that statement still holds true. He has a huge Jaycock hard-on he just can't get rid of. He didn't even come back to Chapel Hill with the rest of the team. I'm willing to bet he'll be the guy to pop the first bottle of champagne if Kansas wins here.
  
• I don't understand why Memphis settled for threes instead of driving before Rush padded his stats, pulling in his own rebound and adding another 2 points to his total.
• But, they just made a 3...
• CDR misses a big layup. 5 point game with 29.9 left. Derrick "Gummybear" Rose is giving up the ball too early.
• CDR misses a 3. Kansas will make these freethrows. Calipari take notes.
  
• And that's the game ladies and gentlemen. Great comeback by Kansas. Roy Williams couldn't be happier.
  

9:21!?!

Why the Hell is the game tonight starting at 9:21. First off, screw the West Coast. Those people have good weather and good looking girls. Example 1:Example 2:
Example 3:

Enough of that. You all know how to use Google if you want to see more. Anyway, they have all of that going for them, why should we cater to them some more by scheduling the game so late? people have work tomorrow. It is absurd that the game starts so late. Obviously I'll watch, but come on. Ridiculous.

Obligatory post about losing and such

Well, Carolina lost on Sunday. It is not a happy time around here. I suppose I will offer a rant, for cathartic purposes, and then move on with my life.

It is tough to know where to start. Kansas completely outplayed Carolina, and Carolina failed to show up until there were about 6 minutes left in the first half. It is absurd that they were in a 40-12 hole. The fact that they crawled back and cut the deficit to 4 was remarkable. It seemed as if they had nothing left after that. In a way, it was almost worse to lose in the manner that they did than if it had been a regular loss or a plain blowout. The opening of the game was simply embarrassing, and it seemed as if the majority of the roster was unaware they were playing a game at that moment. The emotion of the room I was in was a combination of stunned silence and angry shouting. Suddenly, Danny Green and Wayne Ellington started to hit some shots, and in seemingly no time, the game was close again. Then the team faltered again, which just crushed all of the remaining will left in any of the fans. A very disappointing end to the season, especially considering the dominance that UNC had displayed in the first 4 rounds. Some other thoughts, in bullet form.

• Roy Williams, as great of a recruiter and motivator as he may be, is a lousy game coach. It is painful as a fan to admit this, but aside from 2005, where sheer talent carried the Tar Heels to a title, Roy's teams have time and again faltered in big tournament games where they were favored. Roy's lack of adjustments, and stubborn refusal to call a time out as the Heels were being pummeled, is simply frustrating. Roy is obviously a great coach, the evidence is clear. But his stubbornness was quite appalling.
• Many people will point to Hansbrough's relative lack of production as a key element in the loss. However, Tyler did what he always does, which is get the ball and fight through traffic and toss up ugly shots, which normally go in. Do not misinterpret that last statement; as ugly as his game is, it is very effective and he is a great college player. The problem was, with Ellington shooting 1-9 from 3, no one else really hitting shots, and Ty Lawson's inability to successfully score of penetration, the Jayhawks were able to double and triple team Tyler aggressively, which rendered him relatively ineffective.
• Wayne getting the player of the game from CBS was absurd. Sure, he led the team in points, but he only played well for about 10-15 minutes, while the comeback was going on. His poor shot selection and poor shooting was a huge part of the early troubles that the Heels faced.
• Ty Lawson was also particularly mediocre. I really hope he and Wayne decide to stay for another year (I think Hansbrough will definitely be back). While Ty can be a 1st rounder, his play on Saturday clearly indicates that he needs more polish and work on his game before he is NBA ready. Obviously Derrick Rose is a superior player, but the gap that was displayed between them on Saturday was so wide, that it is apparent Ty needs one more season before he can make the leap. Hopefully he will learn from the likes of Joe Forte, William Avery, Erick Barkley, Omar Cook, and tons of others, and stick around for one more year.
• Deon Thompson and Alex Stepheson, who had both been playing their best basketball of the season during this tournament, both played terribly. Stepheson's lack of effort was so apparent that Roy only played him 6 minutes. Mike Copeland, who hardly played this year, was getting important minutes during a Final Four game because the collective performances by these two were so awful.
• The fact that UNC lost by more to Kansas than Davidson did is disturbing. UNC is obviously more talented, and it appears that it was simply a lack of effort that did them in. If Thomas Sander can shut down the Kansas bigs, Thompson, Stepheson, and Hansbrough should be able to as well. The guards are responsible too, as the bigs had to continuously help over as the guards got beat off the dribble. It is okay to get beat once in a while, but at least make the offense change directions to give the help a chance. Very frustrating performance.
  
• It was a good season, and it is hard to get too angry at a 36 win team, but standards and expectations at UNC are high, and it was a very disappointing end to a good year. Next year, with the addition of Bobby Frasor and 3 McDonald's All- Americans, and the loss of only Quentin Thomas, it is hard to not envision another Final Four run. Hopefully they can finish the job next time. Of course, if Lawson, Ellington, or Hansbrough decide to leave (only Lawson is a legitimate threat to actually go this year), it will be a bit trickier.

Quick thoughts on the rest of the Final Four:

• Memphis looked really, really good. Derrick Rose has joined Stephen Curry in the club of people who are The Truth. He is really, really good. I hope the Knicks can somehow draft him. Chris Douglas- Roberts has been playing great too. Evidence below:

• UCLA looked terrible. I would discuss this point further, but after UNC's performance for most of that game, it is hard to rip into UCLA too badly.
  
• Memphis had free throw shooting woes all year. Not during the tournament though. Why? Because only CDR and Rose have been shooting them! If Kansas can send the likes of Joey Dorsey to the line, they will have a better shot of winning tonight. However, Memphis has looked thoroughly dominating the past 3 games, and Kansas has looked dominant for about two thirds of a game. Memphis is my pick tonight.

One final story, the only good part of the night for the UNC fans I was watching with. A friend of JT's and mine had a huge parlay bet going. It was in the neighborhood of 100 bucks to win 3300. Anyway, he had everything correct, and just needed Memphis to win, and the over on the over/under of 135 to win all this money. Anyway, as the game was coming to an end, it became apparent that this over/under was going to be very close. With under a minute left, the total points were stuck at exactly 135! To make matters worse, UCLA decided to stop fouling, and Memphis was just eating the ball and killing clock. Needless to say, we were all losing our minds over this development. As Derrick Rose dribbled and the shot clock dwindled, we realized he would need to launch a shot. He threw up a terrible looking three pointer. IT BANKED IN! Our friend won the bet and we all went crazy. Our spirits would soon be trampled by a certain 40-12 run, but it was good while it lasted. Enjoy the game tonight everyone.

Does anyone want Chris Henry?

For starters I have to apologize for my...well extremely long hiatus from writing. I have been really busy with work and when I've found some hours in which I didn't do work, I decided that I would rather sit around and do nothing than write on the blog. In the end it was a week long break from Pocket Presence and I have to say that I missed it quite a bit. Writing on the blog really allows me to release steam and frustration and that is what this post is going to be all about.

So lets get to the actual topic: Chris Henry, formally of the Cincinnati Bengals. The 24 year old Henry was blessed with exceptional physical tools. The kid is 6'4, 200 pounds and runs the 40 in about 4.40. He has a 36 inch vertical leap and is able to jump and catch the ball at its highest point. Coming out of college some scouts claimed that he had the physical tools of a Randy Moss. There is no question that Henry is one of the most gifted wrs in the game. In his rookie year he went out and caught 31 balls for 422 and 6 tds, while playing behind Chad Johnson and TJ Whosyomomma. The next year he went on to catch a few more balls, about 39 for a few more yards, a little more than 600 and a nice number of touchdowns, 9. Last year, in only 8 games the kid caught 21 passes for 343 and 2 tds (let me remind you that the bengals were terrible last year and that he was suspended for the first 8 games).

Looking at that most people would think that this kid has a lot of potential. He is playing behind 2 of the best wide receivers in the league and was still able to catch 17 tds in two and a half years. Thats not bad. Given the right opportunity Henry could easily turn out to be a solid, solid #2 wide receiver and with enough time probably a pretty decent #1 wr in the nfl. However, the question now becomes will he get that time.

As previously mentioned Henry has been released from the Bengals. He has been arrested 4 times between December 2005 and June 2006. He faced multiple assault chargers, a drunk driving charge, a serving alcohol to minors charge, a possession of marijuana charge, and a carrying a concealed weapon charge. He was pulled over for driving without a license last week and yesterday was charged and arrested for punching an 18 year old in the face and then throwing a beer bottle into the passenger side window of the kids car.

Coming out of college it was widely known that Henry was pretty immature. He had multiple confrontations with his teammates and many many scouts removed him from their draft board for his bad character. PacMan Jones... aka The Rain Man... and him were widely considered to be rare talents coming out of West Virginia together. People felt that they had an unbelievable amount potential but they were also known to have loads of off the field issues ass well. Thus, both the Titans and the Bengals took a massive chances back in 2004 by drafting them.

And now it seems that both PacMan and Chris Henry will be available once again together this upcoming season. Both men have recently served suspensions, with Chris's being an 8 game suspension and The Rain Man's being a full year. It is up in the air, for both men, whether or not Commissioner Roger Goodell will let them play in this upcoming season, as both have been charged or convicted of a crime in the past calendar year.

However the real question is, if both men are allowed to play football will anyone want them? Is there any team with a coach/owner who thinks he can change a misguided players life? That he can finally get the full potential out of the player and keep him out of trouble? And if so, is it worth it? Should any team take a chance on these two, physically gifted, but troubled players?

The answer here is hard to say. For Chris Henry he will first be placed on the waiver wire, allowing any of the other 31 nfl teams to make a claim on him. If so he will be signed by the team using the contract he signed with the Begnals, without any signing bonus or roster bonus, meaning he will come cheap. The team that signs him though will have to deal with the main issue, will Goodell suspend him once again? And if he does suspend him, will Goodell ever let him back into the league? In my opinion, I think Henry is just a young punk who thinks he can do whatever he wants. I truly do not see Chris Henry playing in the NFL again. The kid simply does not get it and I do not see any teams wasting their time, or their money on this screw up for a person, and I wouldn't advise any team to even think about trying it. He will most likely be suspended for the entire 2008 season, and I have a hard time seeing him cleaning up his life and an even harder time seeing Goodell reinstate him.


The Pacman issue is a little harder to assess. Friends, mainly his agent, claim that he has changed his life and has begun to fix his image. He has attended a few charity events, canceled a party he was schedule to appear at, and as far as I know, hasn't been arrested or done anything stupid in a few months. It will be interesting to see what Goodell does when it comes time to reinstate Pacman because once Pacman was suspended by the nfl he seemed to clean up his life a little bit. If he is allowed back into the NFL, I think every team should look into acquiring his services. The man has two skill sets that EVERY nfl team needs, the ability to shutdown the oppositions top wide out, and his outstanding ability to return kicks and punts. Pacman was quickly becoming one of the best cornerbacks in the nfl when he was suspended and was widely considered one of the best return men. If he can just keep his act together he could easily reclaim those positions in the nfl and once again be considered one of the better younger players in the league. I cannot think of one team that does not need a solid #1 cornerback that is 24 years of age and that can return kicks and punts as well as he does. Especially since the Titans are only asking for a 4th round pick for the man. He easily has 1st round talent and could just as easily become one of the top 5 cornerback in the league if given another opportunity. The only problem is that I do not think Goodell will reinstate him, and if he has another year without football, I really do not see him staying out of trouble. Thus, I don't see any team acquiring him this offseason, and sadly, like Henry, I do not see him playing in the nfl again.

Youzhing Your Head

Russian Mikhail Youzhny let his temper get the best of him against Nicolas Almagro of Spain.

Best part is he went on to win 7 straight points as well as the tiebreaker to win the match.

OMFG*@&!*&@& BREAKING NEWS!!!!

Breaking news, exclusive to our modest little site:

Duke center, Brian Zoubek, has decided to forgo his remaining two years of eligibility and declare for the NBA Draft. Zoubek, who averaged 3.8 points and 3.4 rebounds off the bench for Duke, explained his decision to us.

"I figure now is as good a time as any. NBA teams LOVE to draft unathletic, white centers way too early in the draft. Might as well go make my millions."

We asked Zoubek if the team's early exit from the tournament had anything to do with this decision.

"Of course that played into it. Look how sad I was, I don't think I can put myself through that again. In the NBA, I probably won't care as much."

Zoubek added, "Plus, odds are I won't get any better playing here. Aside from Shelden Williams and Elton Brand, most of the big guys who have come here have left with out ever fulfilling their McDonald's All-American potential. Shavlik Randolph, Josh McRoberts, Casey Sanders, Nick Horvath. None of them improved at all in college."

We asked Zoubek what he thinks about the theory, supported by statistical analysis of their post-collegiate performance, that all of these players were only All-Americans because they were signed with Duke.

"Nah, I'm awesome. There's no way that makes complete sense. No disrespect to Coach, but maybe this enviroment doesn't allow us to fully reach out potential. Anyway, I'm going to get paid! If Roy Hibbert is going to get drafted, I definitely will."

I Hate Billy Packer With A Fiery Passion

I hate Billy Packer. Thoroughly, and to the core. I was first exposed to Billy "Dumbass Prick" Packer two years ago during a UNC game he was calling for Raycom, the local CBS affiliate here in the Chapel Hill area. He made a number of ridiculous pronouncements which I am sure I have repressed, because I can't remember them. I didn't know his name then, but I do recall his partner (Jim Nantz, probably) sitting mute while play went on, simply attempting to internalize his retarded partner's word-vomit.

Last year, in the infamous UNC-Duke game where Gerald Henderson hard-fouled Hansborough, resulting in copious amounts of blood, an ejection, and a lot of angry message-board fans, Billy "Needs to Go Play in the Road Blindfolded" Packer famously iterated, "I believe that was unintentional on Henderson's part."




He reiterated it again about sixteen times while Nantz sat there, mute, probably investigating why his balls were missing, because he refused to even offer a counterpoint to Billy "Tired Old Coot" Packer's analysis. Whether or not his position was right is of no consequence. I do not want someone force-feeding basketball opinion based on what his glaucomic eyes tell his atrophied brain (because he never uses it).

Ol' Billy (and he is old), as has been demonstrated, loves interjecting opinions into a game that I would just like to see called as it is. Occasional interpretations, fine, but diarrhea of the mouth is a little over the top. So, while watching the Memphis-Texas game the other day, Packer said another one of his retarded sayings, which prompted me to write an anger-filled message to CBS:

CBS: your coverage so far of the NCAA tournament has been fantastic, with one exception. Right now I'm watching the Momphis-Texas game on mute, because I cannot stand Billy Packer and his "pronouncements." He has the basketball IQ of a hamster, knows absolutely nothing about the game, and is fond of making sweeping generalizations that have absolutely no merit ("The only way Texas can get back into this game is by staying strictly on the perimeter"). I love the tournament and your coverage, but please for the love of God send Packer to some CBS affiliate in Alaska where we never have to hear from him again.
Time after time I listen to Packer make absolutely retarded statements while his play-by-play partner sits there quietly, no doubt attempting to understand how a man of such ineptitude managed to make it to CBS, much less on air. Jim Nantz must have nightmares. Thank you for your time.

Obviously, I never received an answer from CBS. Billy "Pearl Harbor Was Unintentional" Packer ambles on, content to spew his ramblings.

Oh, I almost forgot. In a game last year, in the middle of action, Billy "If He Got Hit By A Bus I Would Throw a Party" Packer blurts out, "Hey, what is going on with Britney Spears?!" Nantz actually found his nuts for once and said, "What are you talking about?" or something along those lines, when really he was thinking, "My partner is a complete fucking moron."

In case you were wondering, the "aliases" I was giving Packer throughout this article came from a simple facebook groups search of the words Billy Packer.