Fat People Moving Places!

What a fatso!

The Jets have evidently traded 3rd and 5th round draft picks to the Panthers for Kris Jenkins. I approve of this deal. Here are the reasons:

1. In general, I am okay with trading mid- and late round picks for proven NFL commodities. It does upset me, because it reminds me that the Patriots were able to steal Randy Moss for a 4th rounder last year. By comparison to that heist, no other trades are a good value.
2. Dewayne Robertson is a fat waste of space, and a waste of the 4th pick in the 2003 draft. As a point of reference, the Number 9 pick in that draft was Kevin Williams, who plays the same position and has made a Pro Bowl. Numerous other pro bowlers were drafted after him as well. Getting Jenkins lets us rid of him. Getting rid of him just to save me the emotional anguish is a good enough reason to make this deal.
3. Sure Jenkins is an overweight slob, but at one time he was good. And really, most of the D-tackles in the NFL have issues of some sort, weight or otherwise. Haynesworth and Shaun Rogers are 2 quick examples. Jenkins has been to 3 Pro Bowls, and was a key cog of the ferocious Carolina line that featured Martin Rucker and Julius Peppers. Sure they had some problems last year, but its still an improvement over Dewayne.
4. The Jets, stupidly, play a 3-4 defense even though it makes Jonathan Vilma, who was arguably their best player for a few years, obsolete. Sure David Harris can get the job done, but it still is sad to see us waste such a talent. Anyway, it helps to have a huge fat man in the middle of a 3-4, to eat up blockers. Maybe Jenkins can pull that off, or maybe I'm just grasping at straws here, because the Jets were so bad last year.

The again, I also was pleased with the Zach Randolph trade when it first went down, and we all have seen how that turned out. When your team is terrible, it can make you delusional, but for now, I have convinced myself that this trade is a good idea.

Update: The Bengals just got Shaun Rogers for the same price. He has the same problems as Jenkins, but with a bit more attitude. He also did this...

So would I rather have had him? Probably. Of course he's a Bengal now, so he'll probably get arrested. Oh well.

Obama Likely to be Presidential Nominee, 1st Pick in 2008 NBA Draft

Barack Hussein Obama, Jr. impressed Miami Heat and Minnesota Timberwolves scouts this afternoon in South Carolina after daring him to make a 3 pointer. Without warming up, Obama took three dribbles, squared up, and sank the shot on his first attempt. "People were skeptical," said the confident Air Hussein "first shot...straight through...I've got skills".

Heat Vice President of Player Personnel Chet Kammerer said, "Barack had a really great workout today -- [he] really showed he can play under pressure. We're last in the league in points per game right now; we could certainly use some help on offense."

"He's a once-in-a-lifetime guy," commented Jim Stack, the Timberwolves GM. "I've coached no one that compares to him. He's got a great shot and can finish drives with both his left and right hand."

Neither team would comment on possible contract negotiations, though both stated that they are interested in what Obama could bring to their respective franchises.

a Word on Fan Bigamy

Many people have a real problem with fan bigamy, meaning being a fan of two teams at once. Bill Simmons, for example, is a staunch opponent of the practice. I feel that situationally, fan bigamy is acceptable.
Growing up in New York, I was raised a fan of the Yankees, Knicks, and Rangers. The Mets, Nets, and Islanders/ Devils never entered my thoughts. While i still keep up with these teams, I do not give them anymore attention than I would a team from Chicago, Kansas City, or Bumblefuck.
However, when it came to Football, I always was a fan of both the Jets and the Giants. One would play at one, and one would play at four. In total, they have played each other a grand total of four times since 1996, which is right about when my sporting memory begins. Moreover, it seemed for a long time that the teams would alternate years of success and mediocrity. It just became natural for me to support both teams. I currently own both a D'Brickashaw Ferguson jersey, which i hope does not become obsolete in the near future, and an Osi Umenyiora jersey. My support is evenly divided. It made the Giants victory all the more sweet, as it was over one of the Jets rivals. I bring this up to clear up any confusion that may arise as the Draft approaches. I understand many people who did not grew up in a two- team town (basically everyone not from New York, Chicago or LA) has difficulty understanding my position, which is the reason for this clarification.
Other kinds of bigamy are unacceptable. For example, if you are a fan of the Cowboys and Packers, it is clear you are simply a bandwagon hopper from the mid- to late 90's. If you like Duke and Carolina, The Red Sox and the Yankees, or Ohio State and Michigan, it is clear you don't really like any of these teams at all. Point is, bandwagon fan-dom is despicable, and rooting for two rivals is just absurd. Until I stop seeing a ground swell of Red Sox paraphernalia every time they win the World Series, and other such bandwagon tomfoolery, i will take no attacks on my football fan-dom seriously.

Symbolic injury

Since we are a bunch of UNC homers around here (right Box?), I thought i'd include a video of Dook's mascot hurting himself. Injuries= hilarious. This is why nerds and surfboards don't mix.


Video courtesy of Awful Announcing

Picture Perfect - Mike Dunleavy, Jr.

Kyle Orton would be proud

Dunleavy vs Corey Brewer - this photo has not been doctored

Say "what" again! SAY - "WHAT" - AGAIN! I dare you!
I DOUBLE-DARE you, MOTHERFUCKER!
Say "what" one more GODDAMN time!

Goodbye Brandon Lloyd

So the Washington Redskins have once again released a high profile off-season acquisition. Yesterday, the Redskins dropped disgruntled wr Brandon Lloyd, who they had traded for during the off-season 2 years ago. At the time, Lloyd was considered to have great potential, a possible wr on the rise. He had just come off a season in which he had 48 rec for 733 yards... a 15.3 ypc and had 5 tds. He also had the catch in the picture, which was the only real thing he had ever done in his career, except for the fact that it was called back for holding, and so he really has done nothing.

But back to the story, while these stats may seem pedestrian to you, you must understand the team he was playing for. Lloyd was the #1 threat on a team that was stacked with guys like Arnez Battle, Johnnie Morton, Rasheed Marshall, Marcus Maxwell and Jason McAddley. His star rb was Frank Gore, however he was in his rookie season and was only able to muster up 608 yards on the ground, with only127 attempts. He did not have any 1 stable qb, as Alex Smith, Tim Rattay, and Ken Dorsey all saw playing time, with none being effective in any way, shape or form. Alex Smith threw for 875 yards on 84 attempts... completing barely over 50% of his passes. He had a Qb rating of just above 40, had 1 touchdown and 11 interceptions. Tim Rattay fared a little better, as he had a qb rating of a little over 70. Yet he only threw for 667 yards on 56 completions, while completing 57.7% of his passses. Dorsey is terrible, and thus I do not even want to mention his statistics as if he is playing qb for your team...you know you are in trouble.

Now back to Lloyd. That year he had a fairly decent year. He was a #1 threat on a terrible offense team. Their offense ranked LAST in the entire nfl in passing yards, 17th in the nfl in rushing yards.. making them.. you guessed it LAST overall in total offense. They were an atrocious team. Little hope for anything (sad thing is they still are and are still going nowhere...at all...poor san fran). However Lloyd seemed to be going places. He was in his 3rd year and had improved each year. His rookie year he had only 14 recpetions for 212 yards and 2 tds. In 2004, he had 43 receptions for 565 yards and 6 tds. These aren't bad statistics for a 4th round pick in the 2003 nfl draft. The biggest problem about Lloyd was that he was a distraction for the 49ers. Many said that he was a malcontent, and was always bitching and complaining about the team and his coaches. He often took plays off and was considered to have a terrible work ethic and attitude. The team and the player eventually got on such bad terms that both decided it was time for a split, and the Redskins happily came in and took the Lloyd off the 49ers hands.

For you see, the Redskins were coming off a season in which their offense had once again been terrible. Their defense was respectable, but their offense was a joke. Their passing offense ranked 21st in the league, and most of the yards it gained were from simply wr screens. The team did have a very good running game with clinton portis who ran for enough yards for thier rushing offense to be ranked 7th in the league. However, in the end their offense ranked 11th in the league, and was not scoing nearly enough points. They did have Santana Moss, who had just come off a fantastic season, catching 84 balls, for 1483 yards (a team record) and 9 tds. The problem was that after Portis, Moss and the young Chris Cooley, the offense had 0 threats. So the team decided to go out and get more talent at the wr position. And thats exactly what they did. They went out and signed Superbowl winning wr Antwan Randle El from the Pittsburgh Steelers to a ridiculously large contract. But that was not enough or them, so they then went out and traded for the disgruntled BLloyd, giving the 49ers a 3rd and 4th round pick. It seemed the redskins had finally found their wr core, and that their offense would finally become a dynamic force. They stole Al Saunders from the Kansas City Chiefs, and once again the Redskins and their fans were full of optimism.

However. Lloyd never panned out. In his first year with the redskins, he was only able to muster 23 catches for a measly 365 yards and 0 tds. He clashed with the coaching staff, was caught flicking off his wr coach and going on a nasty little profanity filled hissy fit once practice. He even got so upset that during a game he took his helmet off, while on the field, and slammed it on the ground, earned himself a 15 yard unsportsmanlike penalty as well as a 1 game suspension from Coach Joe Gibbs.

In 2007 he was poised to have a breakout year once again. Gibbs have given him another chance, and even allowed him to start in week 1, alongside #1 wr Moss. However, Lloyds attitude never improved, and his playing time rapidly decreased as his production remained non-existent. In 2007 he had only 2 receptions for 14 yards, and only played in 8 games, but really only saw action in about 5. He broke his collar bone in november and was placed on injured reserve for the rest of the season.

Gibbs retired this offseason, the only man in the organization who ever really gave Lloyd a chance. Thus it is no surprise that new coach Jim Zorn decided that it was time to let Lloyd go and be a bitch somewhere else. Lloyd will be considered a June 1st cut, and thus will not harm the redskins salary cap this season, but will cost them nearly 5.5 million dollars in 2009. Lloyd will save the skins roughly 1.3 million dollars after June 1, and thus has done nothing for this organization but cost them roughly 11 million dollars over 2 years for 25 catches, 379 yards and 0 tds.

Lloyd has more potential than probably any other wr on the skins roster. He is quick, has a great leaping ability. He is 6'0 200 pounds and is only 25 years old. If some team can figure out how to keep him happy... and get him to play hard..they might be able to have a good wr. He can be a decent #2 and if he puts in real effort could be a mediocre #1 wr. He has the potenti

al he just doesn't have the drive or the maturity at this point. In the end he was a massive waste for the redskins and the skins are a much

better team now thats hes bitch ass is out.

UNC

This site is wayyyyy to biased towards UNC fans. Both JT and Shenanigans are UNC students and obviouly have way to much love for their alma mater. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for being a fan of your school, but constantly bashing other teams ahead of unc...simply because they are ahead of unc is not the way to do things. Now lets get things straight, I go to a shitty D3 school whose basketball team is actaully fairly good, but remember its D3. I do not get into college basketball like I did when I was in high school and truly do not care one bit who is#1 and who wins the ncaa tourny, until of course I make my bracket for March Madness. I do understand that Tennessee is a streaky team. They launch 3 after 3 and if they are on, they are tough to beat, and if they are off, they are tough to lose to. But I can think of a lot of teams, both past and present that rely on the the 3, namely The Duke Blue Devils back when GayGay was there. If he had a bad night, Duke usually lost, if he was on, Duke usually won. Now I'm not saying they were a good team, but for some reason every thought they were a good team. They were probably a pretty overrated #1 but people never really said anything about them. Tennessee can be a dangerous team come tourny time if they can get hot and stay hot. WHO KNOWS. Shooting up 3 after 3 is not a bad way to play as long as you dont have a bad shooting night. Really this article has no relevance to anything at all and is pretty stupid. I just wanted to say that these UNC fans are getting on my nerves so I thought id write on something I know nothing about.. whatever GO TERPS 2008 NCAA CHAMPIONS

Update: For the record, I would have voted Duke #1 over Tennessee. It isn't mindless bashing. It's just that they are not a good team. They were not deserving of being voted the top team in the country and that is why their reign at the top lasted only about 2 hours. Kentucky is tied with them for the SEC lead and will more likely than not, beat them this weekend. They live and die by the three. Fact is (I understand they have shot pretty poorly over the past couple of games) they cannot shoot free throws. You can't win in March with a 64.5% FT. Everyone knows you don't shoot free throws during a pick up game. Someone remind Coach Ferrigno and the Vols that they are playing college basketball.

Update again: I openly admit that I know little about college basketball... im just tired of reading stuff about UNC.

Bruce Is Loose, Vols Still Suck

Tennessee looked great last night. They would run blacktops in Knoxville all day. I don't think you could find another five guys off the side of the road who could play streetball any better...actually, I'm pretty sure you could. ''I want to be ranked No. 1 at the end of the year,'' senior guard Chris Lofton said. Not going to happen.

The Vols might be one of the most undeserving #1 teams of all time. Vandy's 6-3 record at home against top ranked teams is impressive, but the Vols are only #1 by default. Shenanigans gives "Coach Ferrigno" too much credit. I don't think I've ever seen the Vols run a play on offense. He's too busy groping Erin Andrews and chasing jailbait. Go get 'em, Bruce.

The Vols shot only 68.8% from the line, 32.8% from the field, and 26.9% from beyond the arch - best team in the country indeed. What does Pearl even tell his squad during time outs or at halftime? "Alright boys...just keep launching 3s, keep them on their heels, and uh...YEAH!!! LET'S FUCKIN' RAGE!"

The great Wayne "Blism" Chism had a great night, scoring 4 pts, including his dunk with 7.5 seconds left. Tyler Smith shot 4-11, and Lofton is a "good" 3 point shooter by volume. Who takes 15 3 pointers in a game? What amuses me is that when Tennessee misses another clutch free throw, they look around in disbelief. They've made a habit of missing jumpshots and layups, so why should they shoot any better at the line? ESPN's late night headline read "Dores look like dangerous tourney team after knocking off No. 1". I beg to differ. Vanderbilt is an average team who beat a shitty one by 3 points.

Some thoughts on Tennessee

I would like to thank Tennessee for beating Memphis and then losing to Vanderbilt. Let it be known that Memphis would probably beat Vanderbilt by 15 or so. Now UNC can get the Number 1 seed in the east regional, which has plenty of good ramifications that I choose not to get into. Now for some thoughts.

• One dimensional 3 point shooters make for some really good college basketball players. Have fun in Europe Shan Foster and Chris Lofton. Where have I seen a player like you before?

Oh yea!

• Vanderbilt's (arguably) best player, Freshman center AJ Ogilvy, played 12 minutes and had 4 points and 3 boards. He averages around 17 and 7 a game. And they still beat the "number 1" team in the nation.
• If you take Foster and Jermaine Beal out of the equation, the Commodores shot 1 for 11 from 3. Oddly enough, if you take Chris Lofton out of the equation (a different equation, i suppose), the Vols also shot 1 for 11 from 3. Quality shooting performance by both sides, clearly.
• On any given night, the Vols can beat any team. They are very deep, and are like a combination of Duke and Memphis; They have tremendous athletes and can shoot from deep. However, they can also brick all there free throws (see Memphis) or go cold from deep (Duke), which makes them an entirely beatable team.
• Vanderbilt's court is set up absurdly and clearly had a major influence on the game. Bruce Pearl was about to have a stroke.
• UNC should be Number 1 in the upcoming polls, and they have Ty Lawson coming back. Things are looking up in Chapel Hill. Full disclosure, I go to UNC, so I am biased/ quite pleased about this.
  

Zach Randolph is the Greatest

Courtesy of http://basketbawful.blogspot.com/

As you may have guessed, I am a Knicks fan. This has not been a fun thing since, oh, the lockout year where the Knicks miraculously made the finals. Currently, they are just miserable to watch. David Lee is the only player on the team who is worth anything. It has gotten so bad that I, along with many other Knicks fans, actually convinced myself that trading for Zach Randolph was a GOOD idea. That was mainly because Steve Francis was a team killing cancer. Little did I know that Zach Randolph would make Stevie Franchise look like a benign tumor. (a cancer analogy, classy.)
This video essentially sums up the Knicks over the past few years. Sadly, I see no end in sight, because Isiah is a failure as a President and as a Coach, and James Dolan is a failure for not firing him ( he can't exactly fire himself, can he? Seriously, can he?)
At least a garbage team like the Sonics has a future. They have Kevin Durant and cap room. The Knicks have neither of these assets.
On the bright side, the Knicks aren't going to be moving to Oklahoma City anytime soon, although that would probably save me a lot of grief and annoyance.

Troy Williamson

The Jacksonville Jaguars seemed to have traded for a 6'1 203 pound wr, who runs the 40 in 4.32 seconds, and who has a 37 inch vertical. Most people would say that looking at that, that the Jaguards have found something special, a talent that could make their offense more explosive and more dynamic. However there's a "catch", the wr's name is Troy Williamson, and the problem is he honestly cannot catch a football.

Back in 2005, the Minnesota Vikings traded away all-stud, insanely good and possibly the best wr of all time, Randy Moss, to the Oakland Raiders. In return for this awesome talent, the vikings got almost nothing, in lb Napoleon Harris, the 7th overall pick back in 2005 and a 7th round pick later in that draft. With that #7 overall pick, the vikings drafted the heir apparent to the now gone Randy in, the aforementioned Williamson. Williamson, who has blazing speed has always been said to have a TON of potential. The man can fly and has the ability to separate from the defender, and can even jump up and get the ball in the air. The only problem is, he cant seem to bring that ball into his hands and hold onto it. In his first year,

Williamson had 24 catches for 372 yards and only 2 tds. He was given a pass as he was a rookie and rookies tend to have trouble in their first year. However, in his 2nd year, Williamson was only able to muster up 37 rec for 455 yards with 0 tds. Then in 2007, Williamson was only able to catch 18 balls for 240 yards and 1 td. He also had 9 drops in the past year, and 11 drops the year before that. Which means, that in the past 2 seasons he dropped more balls than he caught in 2007. Thats pathetic. I can think of one game, opening night against the Redskins back in 2006, in which Williamson had beaten his defender. Brad Johnson (yes he was their qb then hahaha) threw up a perfect pass that hit Williamson perfectly in his bread basket only to see Williamson let the ball drop right through his hands. The play would have resulted in a td and probably would have allowed the vikings to run away with the game. This was a common sight in Minnesota and thus the Vikings have given up on him and traded to the Jaguars, and back to Mike Tice.

Ironically it was coach Tice who was heading up the vikings back in 2005 when Williamson was drafted. Now it seems that Tice, Jacksonville's Assistant Head Coach/Offense has decided that he can bring the potential out of Williamson. Tice, whose nickname around the league is meat head, wasn't able to do much with williamson back in 2005, and the chances that he can now are pretty slim. Williamson will be added to an already poor wring core in Jacksonville. Those include, converted qb Matt Jones, underachiever Dennis Northcutt, former 4th round draft pick Ernest Wilford, and 2004 1st round draft pick Reggie Williams. None of these wrs scare anybody, and although they all have size, with Jones being 6'6, Reggie being 6'4 and Ernest being 6'4 as well... none of them have caught more than 62 passes in a year, (Northcutt back in 2003), none have caught more than 806 yards (again northcutt back in 2004), and none have caught more than 7 tds (Wilford back in 2005) other than Williams who had 10 this past season, which was a pretty impressive feat. 1/ almost every 4 catches for Williams was a td last season, which shows that the kid has potential, but then again he was still only able to catch 38 passes for only 629 yards, so really minus his td total, a very average-poor year.

While Williamson might seem like a good idea, as he is only 24, has only 3 years of nfl experience, has blazing speed and has an impressive vertical leap, he has proven over the last 3 years that he really cannot catch the football. It is not that he hasn't tried to improve his hands, as this past off-season he went out and caught 10,000, an impressive feat, however he dropped the very first pass he was thrown to. People have claimed that his hands are not the problem, that he has had poor vision throughout his nfl career. While that may or may not be true, I do not think that his sight really could be that big of a problem. You see the man makes millions of dollars a year, and if his sight really was the problem, he would have went and fixed it. Why would he go 3 seasons knowing his sight was bad, knowing that he has had trouble catching balls and then not go and fix it?

Well, Williamson finally did get eye surgery this offseason, and he has now been given a 2nd chance with the Jaguars. If it works out, Tice and th Jaguars might have found themselves a star. A player who will consistently force teams to double team him, and will open up the field for Reggie Williams, as well as Mojo Drew and Fred Taylor. The Jags have little to lose in this deal, as Williamson doesn't pan out, they would have simply thrown away a 2nd day draft pick, most likely a 5th rounder, which usually does not produce anything special. Thus, while most of us KNOW Troy will never learn to catch, the Jags have made what could possible be seen as a steal come next season. Who knows, maybe next year at this time, I'll be saying what a great trade this was and comparing it to the Pats trade this past season, for coincidentally, Randy Moss

picture from profootballtalk.com

The Combine is Awesome

"...life's this game of inches...so is football...because, in either game,life or football,the margin for error is so small, i mean, one half a step too late, or too early, and you don't quite make it, one half second too slow, too fast, you don't quite catch it, the inches we need are everywhere around us...they're in every break of the game, every minute, every second. On this team, we fight for that inch. On this team, we tear ourselves and everyone else around us, to pieces for that inch. We claw with our fingernails for that inch...because we know,when we add up all those inches,that's gonna make the fucking difference, between winning and losing! Between living and dying!"

- Al Pacino in Any Given Sunday

That is why the combine is awesome. Football is a game of inches. Maybe it doesn't seem like a big deal that a guy didn't run a sub 4.4 40 dash, or couldn't bench 225 35 times, or have a vert over 35'', but it certainly does matter. No, the players aren't wearing pads or helmets and the 40 doesn't always translate into game speed, but all of those inches add up.

January 10, 1982...NFC Championship Game...49ers vs Cowboys. The call is Red Right Tight - Sprint Right Option. Joe Montana avoids a sack and throws a high, floating pass towards the back of the endzone. Dwight Clark jumps up and just manages to get his fingertips on the ball and brings it in for for the game winning score. What if he jumped an inch less than he did? What if Montana's pass was an inch too high?

Maybe Titans WR Kevin Dyson would have been able to get past Rams LB Mike Jones if he was 0.10 of a second faster.


Being a step faster matters. Ask Devin Hester. Being able to shed a block and blow up a play in the backfield matters. Ask Pat Williams. Being able to push the pile, keep your feet pumping, and make yards after contact - fight for that extra yard matters. Ask Adrian Peterson.

Combine stats aren't the be-all and end-all in determining which players are going to be studs and which ones are going to be busts. However, they certainly do show which players have the best chance to be successful in a league where everyone is fast, strong, agile, and hostile. And that is the reason why NFL front offices are willing to pay millions upon millions of extra dollars to guys who do run a 4.33 and not a 4.67, who can bench 225 lbs 34 times, instead of just 27, and do have 40'' verticals, instead of only 38''.

It's a game of inches.

The Combine is Stupid

For the record, I actually enjoy watching the NFL Combine. This makes me one out of about 12 people. However, I am really getting sick of how much stock the combine results get. Two examples.

Darren McFadden

Darren McFadden is awesome. He was a dominant force throughout college. He was almost universally discussed as the best player in this year's draft, and he was only a Junior. However, when the season ended, all the sudden questions began arising about him. Off the field trouble and leg strength were two of the complaints I heard. I even saw one Mock draft that had him dropping all the way out of the top 15 picks. Without playing a down, somehow his stock was plummeting. Then, the combine rolls around and McFadden runs a 4.33, and jumps out of the building on his Vert. All of the sudden, all of the questions are answered. I have two problems with this. First off, the questions were baseless and stupid in the first place. Second, how does his ability to run 40 yards fast, when we all knew he was fast in the first place, answer any of these questions?

Mike Hart

There have been questions about Mike Hart since High school. He is not big, and he went to a very small upstate New York high school. At this high school, he was able to set the NATIONAL rushing record, and single handedly lead his team to state championships three years running. I played the same class of football in New York as Mike Hart, so it is easy to see how he was so dominant. People wondered whether this ability would transfer to college, let alone Michigan. Well, Hart proved wrong any doubters, as he had a very productive college career. Going into this year's draft there are still questions about his size, but his productivity over the past four years seemingly put those to rest. Then he ran his 40...

OH MY GOD HE RAN IN THE 4.6 RANGE!!!!!!

All of the sudden, people are questioning Hart's draft stock. "I feel sorry for [Hart] because he's such a great guy," said a scout. "But he's 5-8 and 4.7. You can forget him." It is beyond my understanding how a player running two tenths of a second slower than desired can undo four years of success. Since when does running forty yards in a straight line have anything to do with your ability to run between the tackles? What good is running fast down the field when you cannot find a hole to run through?

Sure, the combines fun and all (for me and eleven other nerds), and it gives us some more stats to spew out when we have to try to justify the terrible pick our team made in the Draft, but I have to hope that NFL scouts are smart enough to disregard stupid numbers when game tape clearly indicates that an athlete can play.

Tigers Vols Letdown

"I don't know if we're the best team in the country...but i do know we're 40 minutes away from being the #1 team in the country," Bruce Pearl shouted in the visiting locker room, trying to fire up his Volunteers.

Well Bruce, you're definitely not the best team in the country. To be honest, I don't even know how you won tonight.

There was an amazing amount of hype for a game with so little substance. Tennessee shot 24-64 (37.5%) and 6-19 from 3 (31.5%). Memphis was 23-56 (41%) in FGs and 8-27 from the three point line (29.6%). All of Memphis' 3s came in the first half. The shot charts look retarded - especially Tennessee's:

Tennessee
Memphis

The final score was 66-62, not on account of good defense, but instead because of horrible shooting. Tennessee's streetball against Memphis'...something else. The gameplan for both teams must have been to shoot 3 after 3, miss most of them, and then drive the lane, making sure to miss most of your opportunities inside. No defense needed...because the opposing offense can't score anyway.

With less than a minute left, Memphis passes up 2 open shots, only to miss the layup to take the lead. Dozier and Dorsey, both Memphis players, then drag themselves to the floor. Tennessee ball. It isn't that they lost composure and missed a critical shot...that's just how they played all game. Antonio Anderson then jacks up a horrible shot, way to the left of the rim, which shot back off of the backboard. J.P. Prince made the FTs he had to, even if his first shot hit every part of the rim twice, before falling through. The game almost put me to sleep, but I kept watching because it was in HD.

If that was really #1 against #2, Kansas, Duke, UNC, UCLA, Texas, and all the other Top 25 teams must be thinking they have an even better shot in the tournament than they did before.

I wish they would have given Erin Andrews more face time.

Fool me once...

Kelvin Sampson should be fired immediately. Not because his offenses were overly egregious, because they weren't. In fact, like many of the NCAA's overly strict rules, the rule he broke was, in rational eyes, a minor infraction. He called some recruits too many times. Boo freaking Hoo.

Sampson should be fired because he is a moron. Seriously, he was already punished by the NCAA for infractions at his previous job, and upon taking this job he was warned that there is no place for such hijinks and shenanigans at Indiana. Not only does he go out and break rules despite this, but he breaks THE EXACT SAME RULES. He may be a quality basketball coach as his record indicates, but he is clearly a stupid, selfish individual.

Why is he selfish? Who knows what the punishment will be for this round of indiscretions, but if it in anyway prevents this guy...... From participating in the NCAA tournament, it will be a travesty. A player as talented as Eric Gordon needs to be displayed in front of the nation, for his benefit, and for the benefit of every basketball fan, college or pro, in the nation. Of course if he maintained his commitment to Illinois he would not have been in this situation...

Running backs are expendable

Its a terrible time to be an aging running back. The Carolina Panthers have recently parted ways with 28 year old rb DeShaun Foster, and it seems that the Seattle Seahawks will soon be cutting former MVP rb Shaun Alexander. Foster has never been what the panthers expected when they drafted him in the 2nd round of the 2002 NFL draft. Foster, a former UCLA bruin, ran for 41 touchdowns in his 4 years with the Bruins and ranked in the top 10 overall at UCLA in touchdowns, yards and points scored. However in the NFL he never once ran for 900 yards or scored more than 4 tds in one year. The Panthers decided to draft another college star in the 2006 NFL draft in DeAngelo Williams. Williams has been the better running back over the last 2 years average a higher ypc and more tds.

Shaun Alexander, 30, however was one the brightest stars just 2 years ago. He was awarded the MVP back in 2005 when he ran for 1880 yards, scored 27 tds (an NFL record at the time) and ran for 5.1 yards per carry. He was considered to be one the best running backs, never having a ypc less than 4.0 in his entire career and having rushed for over 1000 yards in 5 straight seasons. During that time period, 2001- 2005, he scored 87 rushing tds as well. He had also never missed a game in his NFL career playing in all 16 games every year including his rookie year. The Seahawks saw this and decided to reward their star back by signing him to a massive extension of 8 years for 62 millions dollars with a signing bonus of 11.5 million dollars. It was the largest contract for a rb ever at the time.

However, once rewarded for his effort it seemed Alexander had little motivation. In 2006 he rushed for a career low 3.6 ypc and only 896 yards, his worst mark since his rookie campaign. He also missed his first game of his NFL career... when he broke a bone in his foot and missed 6 games. He did however score 7 touchdowns, but as a whole his 2006 season was a disaster by any account. His career seemed to only get worse though, as last season he was only able to play in 13 games last year due to an injured wrist. Even when he was healthy enough to play, he seemed to be very unproductive and seemed to have lost a step. Alexander only ran for 716 yards and 4 tds, by far the lowest totals of his career since his rookie season. He averaged only 3.5 ypc and was often times considered to be too slow and too indecisive throughout the year.

To me both teams are making wise decisions. DeShaun Foster's replacement, DeAngelo Williams is a better running back than Foster is, with a much higher ceiling. Foster has never been all that productive and really is a pretty average running back at best. Look for him to get minor interest from a team like the Houston Texans who do not even have an average running back on their roster, or from a team like the Arizona Cardinals who could use a replacement for the aging and declining Edgerrin James.

Alexander's release may come as more of a surprise around the league, as he is only 2 years removed from his MVP season. However, Alexander, who has never been considered to be a fast back seems to have lost what little step he ever had and has become more of a pussy when trying to hit holes that his line creates. His ypc has dropped the last 2 years for a few reasons. First, obviously, because he isn't a good running back. 2nd, because his line, which was one of the best in the NFL back in 2005 is not nearly as good anymore. After his MVP season, the Vikings signed all pro guard Steve Hutchinson away from the Hawks, drastically hurting the line. It is no coincidence that Alexander's numbers have declined with the loss of one of the best guards in the NFL.

In the end, this is proof that in the nfl running backs grow on trees. Each year a back seems to break out and become an NFL star, exemplified by Adrian Peterson's break out rookie season. Year in and year out new running backs enter the league and take over for aging veterans who are no longer serviceable. With the amount of hits an nfl rb takes its no surprise that a 28 year old running back is considered to be old and no longer useful to his current team, and that a 30 year old, ex MVP, running back has "lost a step." In the NFL, no job is harder to keep than the position of running back.

Sharp As A Whistle

Duke sucks. Their fans didn't even care about college basketball until they got to campus (the ones that aren't complete douches will admit to this). Coach K is a rat bastard.

"Our team – there is something missing this week. We are not the same team these past two ball games. It is almost like someone came in and invaded their bodies or something. We have given up 91 points a game these last two games. It’s not what we do at Duke, but also it’s not what these kids have done. I don’t know if it’s the time of the year, or if they took a deep breath, or whatever" said Coach K after the game.

It isn't Duke's fault they have lost two straight games against two teams that have a combined record of .500 in the ACC. Someone came in...invaded their bodies with some voodoo bullshit...and forced them to give up more points than they can score over the last 2 games. It isn't because Duke's players are slow or unathletic, a set of rich, white stiffs. It's because its February and all of their players took a deep breath...or whatever.

Duke's only athlete can't shoot. Henderson FG percentage is alright at 46.9%, but he usually just drives and makes layups. He can't make a free throw and his dad knows it, hates it, and probably beats the shit out of him because of it.


"In reviewing important data from those seasons, one discovers an undeniable trend. Mike Krzyzewski's teams are not nearly as talented as they once were, yet the combination of a deceptively unchallenging schedule and accompanying rise up the polls leads to the same, lofty expectations as always. These Blue Devils, however, rarely achieve them..." writes SI's Stewart Mandel, "The rate of pro success for Duke's McDonald's alums is significantly lower than that of all others during the same time period, which begs the question: Did Duke recruit these players because they were good enough to be McDonald's All-Americans, or did many of them become McDonald's All-Americans simply because Duke was recruiting them?"

They are going down. Hard. I wouldn't be at all surprised if don't make it past the first round in March for the second straight year. And for the record I said VCU would beat Duke last year. Got-hamz!

Why Barry Bonds is an Ass Hat

There is, quite obviously, a great deal of animosity towards Mr. Barry Lamar Bonds. In fact, this near-universal (San Francisco excepted) hatred of Barry is most likely the reason that, despite the fact he can still hit better than most of the players in the Major Leagues, no American League has taken a chance on him at DH yet this off season. He would probably hit 86 Home runs if he played DH for the Yankees, with the Short Porch in Right Field that Yankee Stadium has. Despite this, I want no part of him. We have enough aging Steroid abusers at DH on our roster (cough*Giambi* cough).
Why is Barry so reviled? There are three main arguments. Argument one:

His Steroid Abuse has Tainted the Game of Baseball

Let's be clear. Barry Bonds did use Steroids. Let us look at some evidence shall we?

Young Barry, with his normal size head and skinny arms.


Old Barry- Who is Gigantic.

Statistically evidence, which also points to this abuse, aside, these pictures say it all. However, It is safe to assume that at least half of Major Leaguers were using something this time, based on the amount of names George Mitchell uncovered based on essentially interviewing two clubhouse attendants. Sure Barry cheated, but so did everyone else. So while it does kind of suck that the history of baseball is forever tainted by the rampant drug abuse of this era, Barry cannot be blamed for this. Argument Two:

Everyone is Racist!

This argument is ridiculous in my opinion. Let's look at two more pictures, shall we?

The First Guy is Hank Aaron. He had the Home Run record until Barry broke it. The second guy is Ken Griffey Junior. He was on track to break the record before injuries began to plague him on a yearly basis. What do these men and Mr. Bonds have in common?

They are all African American!

Shocking I know. How can the hatred of Bonds be race based when he broke the record of someone within his own race? Additionally, had Griffey broke the record, he would have been totally supported by Baseball fans. Why is this? Argument Three:

Barry Bonds is a Jerk

Ken Griffey Junior was and is a fan friendly player, who is always smiling and seems to genuinely enjoy the game. Bonds, in contrast, is seemingly always in a bad mood, hates the media, and in general acts like a tool. To make matters worse, he has been trying to act like a victim of these steroids allegations, when it is fairly clear he did in fact use. Just own up to it Barry, the lies are more despicable than the usage in the first place (Hear that, Roger). The hatred of Bonds is not because he cheats or is black, those are just reasons people or the media use to rationalize the hatred. Really, it is simply because he is not a nice guy. Had he never used Steroids, he would still be a 500 plus home run player, and a sure-fire Hall of Famer. he would also still be an unlikable jerk. It is almost a shame that the steroids have tainted what would have been a pure, genuine hatred of Bonds simply based on his asshole nature.

R.I.P. Patriots Fans

I hated you more than Brady Quinn hates gay people. Victor Thompson - enjoy that Patriots logo forever etched on both sides of your pasty white head. Wicked awesome idea, Victor. Good riddance. Fahkin' cahksuckas.

NO He Is Not A Hero

No shenanigans Jeffrey Maier is not a hero. He is what is wrong with sports. EVERYTHING. Fans are spectators, they are not supposed to interact with the play or the players in any way, shape or form. Players are on the field for a reason and fans are not. Maier decided that he was too good to obey the rules and decided to be a prick and reach over and change the course of a game. If he didn't steal that ball, it is caught by Tarasco, the O's would have won that game, would have won that series and maybe would have gone on to win the world series. Then the O's would not have fallen apart, would not have turned into the losing team it has been for the last 11 years and thus that article would never have been written. So to you Jeffrey Maier I wish the worst. I wish the worst possible outcome for you in life and hope that you are a complete and utter failure in everything you do. Fans are in the stands, not on the field. STAY there...let the players play and don't interfere. You and Mr. Bartman. Unbelievable. Please Maier kill yourself for me so I don't have to do it for you. Thank you thats all.

A Brief Rebuttal

Jeffrey Maier, "That douche bag kid" Box mentioned, is a hero.


Go Yanks!

That is all.

Hope in Baltimore

I have been an o's fan for my entire life. I can remember that douche bag kid from yankee stadium reaching over the fence and taking that ball away from Tony Tasasco back in 1997, the last time the orioles had a chance for anything. Since then its been one disaster after another. It's gotten so bad at oriole park at camden yards that fans are now protesting the games themselves, by getting up and walking out in the middle of an inning. The orioles have become laughable losers, unlike the cubs who are the lovable losers. However, it seems as if there might be some hope. I think I can begin to see a light at the end of this 11 year tunnel.

But first let me say one thing, Eric Bedard I will always love you and will miss watching you win the cy young for the next 3 years. It will be hard to watch as you dominate the Al and watch you take the mariners to the playoffs and maybe even win them a world series with King Felix. Thank you for all the great years and Baltimore and thank you for being a great competitor even though our team was a complete and utter joke.

Now, I have to say thank you one more time to Bedard, for bringing in 4 possibly awesome prospects, 22 year old center fielder Adam Jones, 19 year old right handed pitcher Chris Tillman, 20 year old left handed pitcher Tony Butler, 23 year old towering right handed pitcher Kam Mickolio and another possible trading chip in 30 year old left handed set up man/closer George Sherrill. These kids, and Sherrill, are going to be the backbone of this organization for the next decade or so, and while it is sad to lose a guy of Bedard's talent and well, awesomeness, it was something that had to be done.

So lets analyze the haul the o's got in return for him, starting with the prize prospect of the group, 22 year old Adam Jones. Jones is considered to be a 5 tool prospect, and is considered to be a more than above average cf for years to come. For those of you who don't know what a 5 tool player is, it is someone who can hit for power, average, has good if not great speed, has a good throwing arm and is a good defensive player. Guys that are or have been considered 5 tool players are Ken Griffey jr., Carlos Beltran, once upon a time Barry Bonds (even pre-steroids), Alex Rodriguez and a few others. These players are pretty rare if they actually pan out and are always hot commodities in the baseball world. Jones is considered to be the gem of this 5 player haul and will be immediately penciled in as the Orioles starting cf for the next 10 years. Jones gives the birds a very strong, young, outfield as he is paired with budding star right fielder Nick Markakis a possible 4 tool player, he does not have balzing speed and thus he is not a 5 tool prospect. But back to Jones, in his last year in the minor leagues at the AAA Tacoma Rainiers, Jones put up impressive numbers, hitting for a .314 batting average, 25 home runs, and batted in 84 runs. In only 101 games. Thats about 1 home run per 4 games meaning in a regular reason of 182 games he'd hit 45 dingers, not bad at all for a cf. Jones has been compared to Torii Hunter, as well as Mike Cameron.

Moving along to George Sherrill. Sherrill is going to be pencilled in as the orioles closer this upcoming season, as their current closer, Chris Ray, had tommy john surgery and will miss most if not all of the 2008 season. Sherrill throws from a deceptive delivery which confuses batters as the ball leaves his hand. It is hard for the batter to pick up the spin of the ball coming out of his hand and thus they have a hard time guessing what pitch he is throwing until the ball is up at them. Sherrill posted solid numbers last year for the Mariners, appearing in 73 games as a relief period, throwing 45.2 innings, with an earned run average of a low 2.36. He had 56 strike outs in those 45 innings and had a record of 2-0. He also recorded 3 saves. However, Sherrill's best attribute to the Orioles is that he is another trade commodity. Solid left handed relief pitchers are fairly hard to come by, and if Sherrill can rack up 30 saves or so this year he will be able to bring in another great haul of prospects in a trade next offseason.

Chris Tillman is the player with the highest ceiling of any of these players. He stands at 6'5, the prototypical height for a starting pitcher. Tillman, at a young age has 2 plus pitches, meaning an above average major league pitch in his fastball and cut fastball. He is working to improve his other pitches as well and has the potential to be a #1 or #2 starter in the major leagues. Last year in at A+ ball, Tillman started 20 games, throwing 102.2 innings. He had an era of 5.26 and had a record of 5-7. While those numbers don't seem to be that impressive, you must remember that he was only 19 years old, and its not really his era and record that matter. Tillman struck out 105 batters in that time, which is a very very impressive feat. Having more strike outs than innings pitched is rare, and shows that he can be dominant if he can figure out how to pitch instead of just throw, which most young prep stars do in the beginning of their careers. Scouts have compared him to Gil Meche who has been a very dependable starter and has stepping into an ace role with the Kansas City Royals the past 2 seasons or so.

Tony Butler is the other starting pitcher the o's got in this trade. Butler also has prototypical height for a pitcher, standing at 6'7 and is also extremely young at only 20 years old. Butler has 3 plus pitches in a 92-97 mph fastball, a sweeping curve ball, and a solid change up for a kid who was still pitching in high school just 2 years ago. He is still somewhat wild with his command, but remember he is only 20 years old and command can be obtained over the years (look at Curt Shilling). There is no reason that if he is allowed to progress properly over the next few years that Butler could not become a solid #2 starter for the birds. Scouts have compared him to Scott Kazmier the ace for the Tampa Bay Devil rays and one of the young bright stars of baseball.

Kam Mickolio is also a towering 6'9 right handed pitcher. Mickolio is projected to be a relief pitcher for the orioles but at 6'9 he seems to have a bright future there. The taller a pitcher is, the harder it seems that he is throwing. Guys like Daniel Cabrera and Mickiolo are so coveted because if they can harness their potential they can be lights out game in and game out simply because of their size. Mickolio posted a 1.82 era in AA ball last year, throwing in 29.2 innings and striking out 27 people. He was rewarded for this effort in the middle of the year by being promoted to AAA, where he was still dependable, throwing in 24 innings while striking out 28 batters. His era rose to a 3.75 but he is only 23 and that is not a bad era for a man making his first appearance in AAA ball.

Now I know that all prospects don't pan out. I also know that even some that do don't pan out to their full potential. I understand that and thats fine. The thing that is so promising is that the birds are actually making smart moves. Trading away players with talent to get a number of players that might have talent. They are building their up their farm system with talented players and thus while not all of the prospects will pan out, some will. They are playing the game of numbers, getting as many talented young players as they can and hoping that some work out. It is the first time I have ever seen the o's do this in my entire lifetime. I can see a future here and it gives me hope. Look for the birds to be terrible in 2008, probably the worst team in all of baseball. However, look for them to be decent in 2009 and then good in 2010, with them possibly playing for a world series in 2011. Andy McPhail seems to know what hes doing and I have hope for the first time in forever. LETS GO BIRDS!!!!!!

Quentin Thomas, Psycho T, and Some Red Paint

Early this morning, Chapel Hill police found one of the Old Well's columns covered in red paint. The Old Well is one of the University of North Carolina's most recognizable symbols. While the column was repainted white by 8am, this incident should provide some extra incentive to beat the shit out of NC State (15-10, 4-7) tonight.

One of the reasons why the Tarheels are 24-2 has been the emergence of Quentin Thomas, the senior G from Oakland, CA. Under QT, UNC averages 86.4 points per game, 15.2 assists per game, and shots 45.7% from the field, compared to 89.2 points per game, 18.5 assists per game, and 45.7% with Tywon "MyShitsMeanAndObscene" Lawson. Coach Roy Williams praised QT's efforts saying,

"I think with each and every game, he has learned how to get through mistakes and not turn around and make another one right behind it. He's learned to put the play behind him and think Tiger Woods, next shot the way we do it is 'Next play.' I think that that's been something that's been important to him. I think he's gotten more and more confident in each game and that in itself has enabled him to get through a tough play or a tough stretch. And he's getting more healthy. That's probably bigger than anything," Williams said.


QT has become so adept at putting the play behind him that sometimes he doesn't even know what the score is: "The funny thing about it - I told somebody, I didn't even know we were down by two. I thought we were down by one until I looked up at the scoreboard. I was like, 'Yeah, I really have to make these [free throws],'" he said after the Tarheel's game against Clemson. Thomas is shooting a career high 73.9% from the charity stripe. Over the last three games, Thomas has shot 7 of12 from the floor, 1 of 2 from the 3 point rage, has 11 rebounds, 2 steals, 2 blocks and has averaged 6.3 assists, to just 3.3 turnovers per game. I've always known that he has sick handles, but this year, he's no longer playing ball like a crackhead who got a hold of the wrong stuff.

Hansbrough's shooting has also improved from the beginning of the season. Psycho T shot below 50% in three of Carolina's first four ACC games, but has shot 50% or better in five of seven ACC games since. Being able to make the short- to mid-range jumpers also makes him a lot more dangerous - also making him a better NBA prospect. Defenders are going to have to guard him away from the basket, which will allow him to drive like a maniac and throw up some retarded looking baby hook shot that somehow seems to find its way through the hoop, more often than not. Like Thomas, he is having his best year at the free throw line, shooting 81.4% on the year. Hansbrough is averaging 22.8 ppg, 10.6 rpg, and is making a case for POY honors.

The Tarheels have been plagued by injuries all year, but once we get Lawson back from a high ankle sprain, we should have a really good chance to win another National Championship. Especially if Ellington can keep raining down threes, if Green doesn't try to be a hero every time he touches the ball, and if Deon can keep improving.

But for tonight, let's all take a huge dump on NC State's doorstep.

A post that nobody will care about

The NHL still exists. Shocking I know. Even more shocking is that (some) people still care about it!
I am one of those people, and to the surprise of absolutely no one, I am a Rangers fan. Today, this is not a good thing. I will allow ESPN's headline to say it all...

Habs rally from five down, top Rangers in SO to cap biggest rally in team history

God. dammit.

The Rangers were supposed to be good this year! They spent a small fortune to obtain two of the top available free agents this offseason in Chris Drury and Scott Gomez. They already had two surefire hall of famers in Brendan Shanahan and Jaromir Jagr. They also have Sean Avery, who likes to fight people and dated this lovely young lady...

Picture courtesy of Maxim

Point is, the Rangers were supposed to be good. Sure they had defensive liabilities, but come on. Thankfully they are still in line for a playoff spot, but I fear this could be one of those demoralizing, franchise crippling losses. Remember a few years back when the Nets blew a 21 point lead to the Celtics in the fourth quarter? Sure, they were still good for another five years, but now they suck. And I blame that loss! stuff like that lays dormant in your psyche for a while, but it will come back and get you eventually.

Alright maybe not, but it was still an embarrassing loss.

And now back to sports people care about...

Image Problem?

The NFL Player seen showboating his way into the endzone is Jerome Mathis. According to Profootballtalk.com, Mr. Mathis was just arrested for choking is pregnant girlfriend. Classy.


This is Dwight Howard. He has never choked his pregnant girlfriend. And he is far better at what he does than Mr. Mathis. For the most part, few NBA Players have gotten in trouble for off the court mischief, while countless NFL players have committed crimes. Jared Allen, Jerramy Stevens, Leonard Little, Mike Vick, and Pacman Jones are among the most severe examples of NFL players who have misbehaved off the field. Najeh Davenport once Shat in someone's laundry basket. I am compelled to ask, why is it that according to a Harris Poll, the NBA is the league with the image problem?
Bill Simmons, the espn.com writer whose homerism even I find egregious, insinuated in his column yesterday that the reason for this discrepancy is race. Sure the faces of the NBA are black, while the faces of the NFL are, as ridiculous as this may be, The Manning Brothers, Tom Brady, and LaDainian. However, anyone with two eyes can see that most teams in the NFL, with the exception of New England, are predominantly NOT Caucasian. Simply put, playing the race card is a cop out excuse.
The NBA has an image problem because most people do not watch the NBA. The NFL has at most 20 games in a season for a team (GO BIG BLUE). This makes it pretty simple to watch games. Moreover, the games are entertaining to watch, and watching the product on the field makes people put the off the field nonsense on the backburner.
People should watch the NBA. The athletes are incredible, and it is a quality product. However, 82 games a year, plus playoff, is a lot of basketball to watch. Additionally, ESPN and TNT seemingly have decided that the only teams worth watching are the Spurs, Lakers, Pistons, Mavs, Suns, and Rockets. The Celtics have recently joined this list. Before the recent trade flurry, These teams were, with the exception of the Suns, fairly boring to watch. A repetitive and boring product is not going to draw viewers, so casual observers instead focus on the occasional non-basketball related problem that the league runs into.
There is hope, however. The recent trading explosion, coupled with the emergence of young, well behaved talent like Dwight Howard, Brandon Roy, Kevin Durant, etc., makes Professional Basketball intriguing once again. Now it is up to the programmers to vary the games that they show. Show me Hawks- Blazers once in a while, Dammit!
The image problems with the NBA are not caused by Race, they are caused by lazy television executives. For the first time since the Melee in Detroit, things are looking bright for the NBA. Sadly, it is the NFL that must now clean up after itself.

The Patriots Can Suck My Balls

I hate to ostracize an entire segment of readers with my first post, but most Pats fans can't read anyway.
I am Greg, a.k.a. Shenanigans, and I'll be adding my two cents, which will range from moderately humorous and moderately insightful to neither humorous nor insightful. Regardless, I hope you all tingle with anticipation of my future ramblings.
My Posts will discuss football, as well as Basketball, Baseball, and whatever other sports related nonsense I feel like blathering on about.
I am from New York, and my sporting allegiances are unabashedly slanted toward my New York Homerism. With that said, allow me to official say...

New York Giants= Super Bowl Champs
New England Patriots= Individuals who can suck my balls

Madden Trying To Keep The Black Man Down*

The Madden Curse is real. And dominant African American athletes are falling victim to the Man because of it.

It all started back in 1998...Madden NFL 1999 featured all-star HB Garrison Hearst of the San Fransisco 49ers. Garrison Hearst's '98 season was spectacular. He rushed for 1,570 yards and 7 tds, leading his team to the divisional game against the Atlanta Falcons. After reaggravating his hamstring against the Packers in the previous game, Hearst broke his ankle on the first play against the Falcons. The 49ers lost 20-18. Hearst didn't play until 2001.

In 1999, EA Sports was blood drunk and decided to end the careers of two great running backs. Madden NFL 2000 had two different covers - one with Dorsey Levens who was lucky enough to play for the greatest football franchise of all time and one with John Madden himself and a small picture of Barry Sanders of the Lions in the right corner. In 1997, Levens rushed for for over 1,400 yards, was voted to the Pro Bowl, and became recognized as one of the best HBs in football at the time, helping Green Bay reach 3 straight NFC Championship games along with 2 Super Bowls, winning one of them. Levens injured his knee during the 1998 season, and while he rushed for over 1,000 yards in 1999, he was released in 2001, and was out of the league by 2004. Not even Sanders could elude the Madden cover curse. Sanders retired before the 1999-2000 season.

Madden NFL 2001 sported Eddie George on the cover. In 2000, he had career highs in both yardage and tds...but he also fumbled 8 times and cost the Titans a playoff game against the Ravens, by handing Ray Lewis a pick 6. In 2001, George was bothered by a toe injury and only averaged 3 ypc, rushing for a career low 939 yds and only 5 tds. He never averaged more than 3.4 ypc for the rest of his NFL career.

Daunte Culpepper was on the 2002 cover. In 2000, he threw for 3937 yds and 33 tds, rushing for 7 tds as well. Fearing that Culpepper would revolutionize the QB position and pave the way for generations of even more black Hall of Fame signal callers, they decided to crush the seeds of change. They came too late to prevent Doug Williams from winning a Super Bowl, to destroy Warren Moon's career, and to make sure Randall Cunningham would be all but forgotten, EA took out their frustration on Daunte. While resilient in 2004, helping me win my fantasy football league by throwing for 4717 yards and 39 touchdowns, he has thrown more interceptions than touchdowns over the past 3 seasons. Daunte is a great example of a dream deferred.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=O0qTD8q3KRw

Marshall, Marshall, Marshall. 2003. After 4 straight 1,300 yard seasons, and recording almost 1,600 total yards and 10 tds in 2002, Marshall Faulk never broke the 1,000 yard mark for the rest of his career.

Michael Vick was on the 2004 cover. Vick fractured his fibula in a preseason game against the Baltimore Ravens. Vick grew restless over the 2003 season and decided to start a breeding kennel for pit bulls with some friends. They called it Bad Newz Kennels. Vick is now in jail. And has herpes.

EA decided to wreak havoc on the best African American defensive player in the League in 2004 - Ray Lewis. Although the Ravens won their division in 2003, they missed the playoffs in '04. Lewis went without an interception that year, the first time in his career. He fought the curse with all his strength, totaling 147 tackles, before the power of the Madden curse snapped Lewis' arm like a twig. In 2005, Lewis tore his hamstring and missed 10 games. Now Ray Ray is only good for jumping onto piles after the whistle and stabbing people.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=QSfwiul9Vqo

Donovan McNabb complained about being the cover athlete for Madden NFL 2006. The year he was on the cover, McNabb suffered a sports hernia. Roy Williams (who can't cover to save his life, but is somehow regarded as one of the best safeties in the NFL), aggravated McNabb's injury on November 14th, which he whined about. McNabb chose to have season-ending surgery to repair the injury. Since his cover appearance, McNabb has torn his ACL, suffered many other nagging injuries, and has played the race card to explain all of his shortcomings. Some guy named DJ says, "If you've never been black, shut the fuck up. Period." Datzwussup!!!!!!!!!!!!! http://youtube.com/watch?v=dnaMWZA1thk

EA saw Shaun Alexander as a serious threat to the Great White Hope after he as he rushed for 1,880 yds and scored, what was then a record, 28 total touchdowns. After only missing one start in the past 64 games, Alexander fractured the 4th metatarsal in his foot and failed to rush for over 1,000 yards for the first time since 2000. He may now be the slowest athlete in America, after Tom Brady.

Vince Young beat Michigan by himself, led an impressive comeback against the Trojans the year after, and was named one of the most exciting players in the NFL his rookie season, winning Offensive Rookie of the Year. EA was faced with a difficult decision as LaDainian Tomlinson began to establish himself as one of the greatest running backs of all time. EA tried to get Tomlinson to be on the cover of Madden NFL 08, but astonishingly enough, they were unable to do so. Perhaps LT's tears protected him from the Madden curse. So, EA had to settle for Vince Young, who had a terrible sophomore season throwing almost twice as many interceptions as touchdowns. He injured his quad in October, forcing him to miss a start against the Bucs, reinjured that muscle in the final game of the season against the Colts, and missed the first game of his football career (HS, college, NFL) due to injury against the Houston Texans.

George Bush doesn't care about black people. The bigots at EA Sports have a vendetta against them.

Godspeed AD...


* Let me preface this piece by saying that this is a satirical article and although I don't actually believe this to be true, but it's an entertaining thought.