Monday, February 18, 2008

Madden Trying To Keep The Black Man Down*

The Madden Curse is real. And dominant African American athletes are falling victim to the Man because of it.

It all started back in 1998...Madden NFL 1999 featured all-star HB Garrison Hearst of the San Fransisco 49ers. Garrison Hearst's '98 season was spectacular. He rushed for 1,570 yards and 7 tds, leading his team to the divisional game against the Atlanta Falcons. After reaggravating his hamstring against the Packers in the previous game, Hearst broke his ankle on the first play against the Falcons. The 49ers lost 20-18. Hearst didn't play until 2001.

In 1999, EA Sports was blood drunk and decided to end the careers of two great running backs. Madden NFL 2000 had two different covers - one with Dorsey Levens who was lucky enough to play for the greatest football franchise of all time and one with John Madden himself and a small picture of Barry Sanders of the Lions in the right corner. In 1997, Levens rushed for for over 1,400 yards, was voted to the Pro Bowl, and became recognized as one of the best HBs in football at the time, helping Green Bay reach 3 straight NFC Championship games along with 2 Super Bowls, winning one of them. Levens injured his knee during the 1998 season, and while he rushed for over 1,000 yards in 1999, he was released in 2001, and was out of the league by 2004. Not even Sanders could elude the Madden cover curse. Sanders retired before the 1999-2000 season.

Madden NFL 2001 sported Eddie George on the cover. In 2000, he had career highs in both yardage and tds...but he also fumbled 8 times and cost the Titans a playoff game against the Ravens, by handing Ray Lewis a pick 6. In 2001, George was bothered by a toe injury and only averaged 3 ypc, rushing for a career low 939 yds and only 5 tds. He never averaged more than 3.4 ypc for the rest of his NFL career.

Daunte Culpepper was on the 2002 cover. In 2000, he threw for 3937 yds and 33 tds, rushing for 7 tds as well. Fearing that Culpepper would revolutionize the QB position and pave the way for generations of even more black Hall of Fame signal callers, they decided to crush the seeds of change. They came too late to prevent Doug Williams from winning a Super Bowl, to destroy Warren Moon's career, and to make sure Randall Cunningham would be all but forgotten, EA took out their frustration on Daunte. While resilient in 2004, helping me win my fantasy football league by throwing for 4717 yards and 39 touchdowns, he has thrown more interceptions than touchdowns over the past 3 seasons. Daunte is a great example of a dream deferred.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=O0qTD8q3KRw

Marshall, Marshall, Marshall. 2003. After 4 straight 1,300 yard seasons, and recording almost 1,600 total yards and 10 tds in 2002, Marshall Faulk never broke t
he 1,000 yard mark for the rest of his career.

Michael Vick was on the 2004 cover. Vick fractured his fibula in a preseason game against the Baltimore Ravens. Vick grew restless over the 2003 season and decided to start a breeding kennel for pit bulls with some friends. They called it Bad Newz Kennels. Vick is now in jail. And has herpes.

EA decided to wreak havoc on the best African American defensive player in the League in 2004 - Ray Lewis. Although the Ravens won their division in 2003, they missed the playoffs in '04. Lewis went without an interception that year, the first time in his career. He fought the curse with all his strength, totaling 147 tackles, before the power of the Madden curse snapped Lewis' arm like a twig. In 2005, Lewis tore his hamstring and missed 10 games. Now Ray Ray is only good for jumping onto piles after the whistle and stabbing people.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=QSfwiul9Vqo

Donovan McNabb complained about being the cover athlete for Madden NFL 2006. The year he was on the cover, McNabb suffered a sports hernia. Roy Williams (who can't cover to save his life, but is somehow regarded as one of the best safeties in the NFL), aggravated McNabb's injury on November 14th, which he whined about. McNabb chose to have season-ending surgery to repair the injury. Since his cover appearance, McNabb has torn his ACL, suffered many other nagging injuries, and has played the race card to explain all of his shortcomings. Some guy named DJ says, "If you've never been black, shut the fuck up. Period." Datzwussup!!!!!!!!!!!!! http://youtube.com/watch?v=dnaMWZA1thk

EA saw Shaun Alexander as a serious threat to the G
reat White Hope after he as he rushed for 1,880 yds and scored, what was then a record, 28 total touchdowns. After only missing one start in the past 64 games, Alexander fractured the 4th metatarsal in his foot and failed to rush for over 1,000 yards for the first time since 2000. He may now be the slowest athlete in America, after Tom Brady.

Vince Young beat Michigan by himself, led an impressive comeback against the Trojans the year after, and was named one of the most exciting players in the NFL his rookie season, winning Offensive Rookie of the Year. EA was faced with a difficult decision as
LaDainian Tomlinson began to establish himself as one of the greatest running backs of all time. EA tried to get Tomlinson to be on the cover of Madden NFL 08, but astonishingly enough, they were unable to do so. Perhaps LT's tears protected him from the Madden curse. So, EA had to settle for Vince Young, who had a terrible sophomore season throwing almost twice as many interceptions as touchdowns. He injured his quad in October, forcing him to miss a start against the Bucs, reinjured that muscle in the final game of the season against the Colts, and missed the first game of his football career (HS, college, NFL) due to injury against the Houston Texans.

George Bush doesn't care about black people. The bigots at EA Sports have a vendetta against them.

Godspeed AD...



* Let me preface this piece by saying that this is a satirical article and although I don't actually believe this to be true, but it's an entertaining thought.

No comments: